The View From Schreyer House

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Dear Diary,

Thanksgiving break has given me a lot of time to practice my washboarding. While I certainly have an unorthodox playing style, holding the washboard perpendicular to my body allows me to attach other instruments like cymbals and horns to my apparatus. I’ve found that the secret to good playing is all about the down-down-down-up motion. Hopefully, my increased practice time will benefit the Deacons of Dixieland. If you happened to be walking by the Student Book Store on College Ave on a Football Saturday, you doubtless can attest to our musical acumen.

Also, in between helpings of delicious turkey, I had time to regale my family with some wonderful sleight of hand. The coin behind the ear trick seems to be a perennial favorite. I’m not telling the secret either! Another secret I seldom tell is just how super campus is when all the students have gone home. While I enjoy my work with students, there is something uniquely special about standing on the steps of the beautiful Old Main as the snow falls with nary a student in sight. I truly cherish these moments because they are so rare.

Another activity I undertook, sans students, was practicing racquetball with my intramural partner, Fredina Ingold. We really needed practice because we lost the intramural racquetball title last year for the first time in a decade. The loss was quite a surprise because Fredina is a world champion racquetballer. I’m beginning to think that age might be our downfall. The younger generation is just so darn sprightly. Needless to say, practice is a lot easier in Rec Hall when you don’t have to wait in line to use the courts.

I’d love to have vacation be all play, but as president of one of the largest universities in the country, there was much to be done. Our endowment has taken a $300 million hit due to the financial markets and I held meetings to figure out what should be done. I decided to give back $700,000 of my salary to help the cause. Also, last Friday, I spoke to the Board of Trustees about the impact of the economic downturn. I said that the University would not be able to hire all the faculty that should be. Also, the University will have to go about certain tasks at a slower speed. However, the University’s commitment to students and families will not be diminished.

Well until next time,
Fake Prez Spanier

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About Author

Eli is a junior majoring in International Politics. He enjoys paninis and books.

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