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Bored and Hungry? Go Watch Thanksgiving Movies

Hey folks! Hope you all are enjoying time off as much as I am. Of course, Hollywood rests for nobody and also knows that holidays are the best time to get your money. So, after getting fat on turkey, watching the Detroit Lions lose again, and/or being mauled by Black Friday shoppers, you and the family can spend quality time together not talking while watching a movie. But what is there to watch?

Tangled

Preview: Disney gets one step further in its goal to trademark every princess every created. The story focuses on the young rogue Flynn Rider and his adventures with Rapunzel and her luscious, bouncing… hair. There’s also no shortage of wacky animal sidekicks and some Disney moneylust in the 3D version. This movie should be perfect for families, animation fans, or people who enjoy paying $25 to see a movie.

Faster

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson’s character has served his time in prison and now his only goal is to avenge his brother’s murder. On his trail are hitman Oliver Jackson-Cohen and police officer Billy Bob Thorton. This action movie proves all problems can be solved by shooting them. The Rock finally returns to another action movie. It’s perfect for anyone who killed their turkey with their bare hands.

Love and Other Drugs

It is an R-rated dramedy featuring Jake Gyllenhaal and Anne Hathaway as perhaps the most Caucasian couple to ever have dated. Jake plays the rugged drugdealing ladies man and Anne’s character has the same name as his sister. Look for another unstoppable performance by Jake Gyllenhaal’s abs. This one is perfect for couples together for Thanksgiving or people who want to lose themselves in Jake’s eyes.

The Next Three Days

This thriller has Russell Crowe desperately trying to rescue his wife from prison. Expect action, lots of speedy music, and an overly complicated plot. Russell Crowe will probably beat up some dudes because he is very experienced at doing that. For those disappointed at the lack of high speed chases and gunfights at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, this movie should brighten up your day.

Burlesque

Christina Aguilera is a small town girl living in a lonely world who gets a job at a burlesque club. She gets her job from the club’s owner and lead performer, Cher. Musical performances and rivalries between the performers will inevitably follow. All the singing and dancing will do nothing to those who came into this movie based on “partial nudity” and got Cher. Everyone else will enjoy themselves.

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About the Author

John Dempsey

John is a Junior majoring in Journalism from Hazleton, PA. He is so awesome that sharks dedicate a week to him.
Likes: Video games, vigilante justice, irony, talking bears, Burt Reynolds, El Chupacabra, coloring books, chainsaws, and Australians.
Dislikes: Zombies, clowns, zombie clowns, turtleneck sweaters, Apple, poor mustache grooming, nuclear winter, Roman architecture, guacamole, robots, LCD TVs, the color yellow, Velcro, ceiling fans, sprinklers, tornadoes, Belgians, squat thrusts, and romantic comedies.

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The 3 Keys to Never Graduating

It is that time of year again. The weather is getting warmer when it feels like it and we switch to shorter pants just as the insects begin to multiply. It is a magical time of year that some of us will see for the last time in State College. For those lucky few, not going to class this week is a sign of maturity. With a college degree ensured, the world awaits you. Unless you’re in the Liberal Arts, of course. Then, your mother’s couch awaits you. However, there exist among us the ones that dare to take it to the next level. The ones that can’t get enough binge drinking, construction, and parking citations. The ones that will never graduate. How do they do it? Very, very smugly. These are the keys to never leaving Penn State.

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