Hide ya kegs, hide ya Vlad, cause they bustin’ errybody out here. At least that’s what State College residents were warned on Wednesday, courtesy of an e-mail from their respective property managers.

As The Daily Collegian detailed yesterday, this e-mail contained a letter signed by each of the major realty companies in State College, as well as State College Police Chief Tom King and Penn State Office of Judicial Affairs Senior Director Danny Shaha. The contents of this letter are actually fairly reasonable, as they reminds us of ways we can help make this weekend “safe and peaceful” and warns us of increased police presence. However, Associated Realty Property Management took things a step further by sending their residents another message.

This e-mail, sent by “our friends at ARPM“, first congratulates us for “supporting such a positive Penn State student organized event” this past weekend in THON. And, before you know it, we begin to see why the e-mail’s subject is “Police Update,” starting with the statement that THON “unfortunately…is followed by an out of area organized event called State Patty’s Day.”

What in the hell does “out of area organized event” even mean?

The e-mail goes on to warn us of “uniformed and undercover Police (state and local)…in our buildings.” We already know there will be more cops than Solo cups in Happy Valley this weekend. From what I’ve seen, it hasn’t diminished the excitement and anticipation toward State Patty’s Day.

The e-mail closes by warning us to not “support such a negative non-Penn State sanctioned event and be PENN STATE PROUD.” While I’m not sure whether tailgating is considered “Penn State sanctioned,” it offers a fine comparison with State Patty’s Day in this case. You have the VAST majority of fans who tailgate safely, respectfully, and responsibly, and then you have a handful of buffoons. I’m willing to bet a cooler of green-colored Jungle Juice that there isn’t a single Penn State student who isn’t “PENN STATE PROUD,” and they’ve shown that on any and every level possible. The crimes we are certain to hear about next week do not represent Penn State students as a whole, just like the guy puking at the tailgate next to yours doesn’t represent everyone who tailgates for Penn State football games.

So, ARPM, all you’ve done with this e-mail is annoy your tenants (myself included) and give us more reason to enjoy OUR holiday. And, for what it’s worth, I am about as much of a party animal as Sue Paterno is at this stage in her life. I didn’t have so much as one drink during the last two State Patty’s Day celebrations, and my friends who did drink were under control. We wore green and had fun, and plan to do the same this weekend. And that, to me, is being PENN STATE PROUD.

Click here to read the full e-mail from ARPM