Boombox Guy is Searching for a Protégé

0

Good news! On Monday, Boombox Guy announced that he is planning to pass down his boombox to some poor Penn State soul by Thanksgiving.

Weirdly enough, I found this protege application lying on Beaver ave.

Boombox Guy Protégé

Boombox Guy is looking for a protege! Why join him? In the fall of 2011, Boombox Guy named himself one of the most famous people at Penn State, amongst other legends like JoePa and Old Main! Want more? Protégé’s may qualify for free shitty Canyon Pizza, lots of recognition, regular harrassment, and plenty of photo opportunities!

He’s looking to recruit a disciple to join his farcical plot to never graduate so this is an opportunity to show him what you’re made of.

Key Focus:

The protégé’s primary responsibilities include: walking up and down Beaver Ave, ability to balance a stereo on one’s shoulder, and have a horrible taste in one-hit wonders, Billboard Top 100 tracks, 90’s pop, and Michael Jackson to ensure strategic objectives are met for the next generation. The protégé shall work alongside the Boombox Guy and liaise with senior management (himself) internally and work collaboratively and cross-functionally across the business to ensure continued improvement of products, processes, tools, and procedures in relation to the boomboxing. In addition, the position serves as a point of escalation for listeners and internal stakeholders for problem resolution.

Essential Functions:

  • Work with the Boombox Guy to assist in determining and executing the long-term vision and strategy for the boomboxing.
  • Champion new ideas to enhance the boomboxing and build support for those initiatives across the State College.
  • Analyze key performance indicators to identify trends and improve operational efficiencies.
  • Drive action to execute those ideas with urgency and impact, and follow-up with cross-functional team members and external partners to ensure song choices are enjoyed.
  • Engage in the Song Selection/Playlist creation process (in partnership with Boombox Guy), including prioritization, ideation, conceptualization, requirements gathering, rollout, and ongoing evaluation of boombox related products and features.
  • Main cross-functional partners include: Michael Jackson Thriller Jacket makers, Miami Dolphins, possible Presidential running mates (plans for campaigning in the 2020 election in the works), Bar Hopping, fellow Boom boxers, and Hookah Man.

Requirements/Experiences:

  • A desire to make boomboxing fun and enjoyable (this is first for a reason).
  • The ambition to learn as much as possible about Boombox Guy’s laissez-faire attitude.
  • Desire to learn the Thriller dance.
  • Demonstrated ability to generate Facebook fans and Twitter followers.
  • Team player; have the ability to work with multiple cross-functional groups, but mostly Boombox Guy and whoever is drunk and outside of Canyon.
  • Must be in pursuit of Presidency (not for the same term as Boombox Guy)
  • The ideal candidate will have a love of milkshakes.
  • Normal working business hours are Thursday through Saturday night, but may include work outside of these hours.
  • Must be willing to give up all personal dignity.

Seems competitive! Think you have what it takes? Email us your qualifications and we’ll put in a good word with the big guy.

Maggie McGlinchy is a junior Print Journalism major who has in fact used Boombox Guy for an assignment. And she got an A.

Photo By: Kevin Horne

Comments

comments

Share.

About Author

Senior. Print Journalism Major, Spanish Minor. My only childhood memory involves me playing with a toy circus car.

Comments are closed.