State Patty’s Garb: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

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This Saturday, walking down College Ave. is going to make you feel like Dorothy when she puts on the green-hued glasses upon entering the Emerald City. Everyone you see, from the shamrock-adorned ladies to the kilt-sporting men, will blend together in a stumbling, almost entirely inebriated sea of green.¬†Thanks to the absurd number of downtown vendors capitalizing on this student-initiated drinking holiday, there are oodles of State Patty’s Day themed t-shirts to choose from– some more offensive than others. Take a look through the following photos to see which tees we deemed good , bad, and just plain ugly.

The Good

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If it must reference drinking at all, the ideal State Patty’s day shirt should do so subtly. No stupid comments about Irishmen, car bombs, beer pong, or any of that crap. The only thing that even indicates that this is an alcohol related holiday is the PBR logo, and even that hint graciously refrains from beating you over the head with a “HELL YEAH, OUR SCHOOL PARTIES HARDER THAN YOURS,” which is why it’s awesome. Four for you, Shirt #1! You go, Shirt #1.

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Once more, the key is subtlety! Nothing about kissing someone for their heritage or blacking out with your…okay, you get it. Just like in example one, there’s little to imply that this is even a drinking holiday besides the Rolling Rock logo. About as classy as you’ll get on #SPD13 (minus the fact that it’s a pinney, anyway– but we’ll let it slide).

The Bad

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Unless you’re living by DIFTS (you know, “do it for the story,” this year’s much worse version of YOLO?) and can’t wait to regale your bros with the epic tale of That Time You Got An Underage Because You Were A Dumbass On State Patty’s Day, this is not a shirt that you should buy. That whole Penn State culture thing, y’know?

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See, the problem here is that the Jack Daniels design of this shirt is really freakin’ cool, but the whole “GIMME A REASON TO PARTY” thing ruins it. If that wasn’t there, this would be a kickass shirt to buy for your faux-Irish shenanigans this weekend. (Plus, the “A fabricated tradition since 2007″ running down the left side is perfect– who doesn’t love a self-depricating t-shirt?)

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Again, the Heineken design would be awesome, but the “Enjoy without moderation” at the bottom kills the whole thing. Even if you plan on drinking until you’re passed out naked in some rando’s living room in a puddle of your own vomit,¬†does that total lack of self-control need to be broadcasted on your clothing? No! The countless Facebook pictures you’ll untag yourself from Sunday morning while nursing a hellacious hangover will speak for themselves. Promise.

The Ugly

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C’mon. Please tell me you have better things to spend $25 than this. “I wore it because it says like, I want to be formal, but I’m here to party!” …Nope. It sure doesn’t. You look like a really lazy Leprechaun.

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Several points here. 1) It’s 2013, you shouldn’t be claiming anyone as your “homeboy” anymore. 2) This is offensive to both the Irish and Christian communities. 3) Um, do you even go to this school? This is State Patty’s Day, not Saint Patty’s Day — we celebrate that alcoholic holiday separately (with another weekend of shamelessness) NEXT month!

Photo By: Alicia Thomas

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Alicia is a senior double majoring in Print Journalism and Spanish. She is the Public Relations Director of State of State and a dedicated THON volunteer. Alicia is also a gender equality advocate, a Diet Coke addict, and a nap enthusiast. She's probably somewhere talking about her semester abroad or ranting about sexual assault prevention right now.

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