Procrastination; the infectious disease that most can’t seem to shake. The kryptonite of the common student. No matter how many things we write out in our planner or how productive we tell ourselves we are going to be, we always have those Thursday nights at 11:30 when a 10-page paper is due at midnight…and we aren’t even sure what we’re supposed to be writing for a conclusion.

As much as I hate to admit it, I suffer from this too. A lot. Just last Friday, I had a huge exam (any AnSci 201 students in the house?), and well…let’s just say I didn’t exactly spread out my study hours through the week. The following might not be exactly how my week went, but I am fairly certain just about all of us can relate to it at one point in the semester or another. You actually probably clicked on this article because you are avoiding doing something more important (not that my ego doesn’t let me believe that I am, in fact, more important).

Here’s a week in the life of a Penn State procrastinator.

Monday

7:00 a.m. — Since getting out of bed this morning wasn’t quite as difficult as waking up a bear from hibernation, today should be a fairly productive day. After my 8 a.m. and 9:05 I’m gonna start re-copying my notes so I can start studying for this exam.

10:30 a.m. — I woke up early and paid attention in class…I deserve a nap.

4:00 p.m. — Definitely got a solid nap in. Time to start studying before I have to go to my Onward State meeting.

10:00 p.m. — Wernt to Madf Mex, $5 margaritasyeaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh. What time isd it? Did Ii miss my meeting??!?!?!? i NEED TO STUDY!!!11!!!1!

Tuesday

9:30 a.m. — DAMN, I had lab at 8 a.m….ugh. Oh well, I don’t have class for a while so I guess I will study.

12:30 p.m. — I found this Harlem Shake video, so I clicked on 57 of the other videos it linked to.  I will just go to my next class for clicker points and then study the rest of the time.

4:45 p.m. — Still didn’t study for the exam, but I did actually pay attention in class, so I am gonna go grab coffee with a friend and be back to grab dinner and study.

1:30 a.m. — I got home around 6, which was earlier than I thought, so I decided to watch an episode of Game of Thrones so I could catch up on the new season. And then I finished all of it. Guess I will study tomorrow. WINTER IS COMING.

Wednesday

7:00 a.m. — Alright, seriously now. After my 9:05 I am downing some Dunkin’ and making note cards for this test.

12:30 p.m. — Look I found this awesome thing on Pinterest!

3:30 p.m. — I need a nap.

5:45 p.m. — There are three shirts on my floor…I think I should take 4 hours to meticulously clean everything.

10:00 p.m. — OKAY FOR REAL I AM STUDYING NOW

12:50 p.m. — I just woke up with my notes in my lap, but there were seven note cards that I made sitting there too, so that’s good, right?

Thursday

9:00 a.m. — This is it. This is the day! This is when I study everything and know it like a freaking CHAMP.

12:00 p.m. — I really want some cupcakes…let’s bake cupcakes!

4:00 p.m. — LOLZ THE CAT IS LIKE ME

5:00 p.m. — I have a gym membership, right? No time to start working out like the present…

7:00 p.m. — The Flyers game is on.

8:00 p.m. — They are already down 4 goals. I should have just studied, that would have made me (slightly) less miserable.

9:00 p.m. — Ohhh! Archer is on! Call Kenny Loggins,  ’cause you’re in the DANGER ZONE! And by that I mean in danger of failing my exam…

10:00 p.m. — I STILL HAVEN’T TOUCHED ANYTHING AND MY EXAM AS AT 8 A.M. AND I DON’T EVEN KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A COW AND A HORSE AND AHHHHHHH. Time to shotgun three Starbucks Double Shots and a Five Hour Energy. ANIMALS. NUTRITION. DIGESTION. EGGS. MILK.

Friday

10:00 a.m. — Exam is over, weekend starts NOW

6:00 p.m. — On second thought, I think I will just stay in and work on some stuff since I got nothing done this week.

10:00 p.m. — SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS! ERRRRRBODY!

Saturday

9:00 a.m. — ……where am I?

12:00 p.m. — Waffle shop time, obviously.

3:00 p.m. — Okay, now seriously. There are 47 unread emails in my inbox. Let’s be productive.

4:00 p.m. — LOOK THIS PUPPY DOESN’T LIKE LEMONS

7:00 p.m. — Well that was an awesome three-hour nap…

9:00 p.m. — David, Stephanie, Katie, Micah, Matt, Colt, Ryan, Rachel, Marissa and Kelsey said they wanted to come over tonight and have a study party. Perfect! Finally being productive.

Sunday

12:00 p.m. — My kitchen table is on the porch and there are 76 Natty light cans littered around my living room. Guess we didn’t study last night. Wait, where the hell is my cat?

4:00 p.m. — FINALLY finished cleaning. Let’s sit down and get my homework done, then maybe next week won’t be so bad.

11:00 p.m. — Netflix just stopped working and emailed be telling me I reached my viewing limit in one day. Can they do that?!?!?! Dammit, I should probably study. Lessons I’ve learned from Netflix: 1. It is a procrastiation black hole. 2. There is always money in the banana stand. Oh, it’s working again, I will just study tomorrow…

In case anyone cared…I didn’t totally fail my exam. It went better than expected. And unfortunately, next time I feel like having a week like this, I will probably use the fact I didn’t fail as justification to do it all over again.

Happy studying…ya know…or not.