PSU Wrestling’s Ruth To Join WWE
After a junior campaign where he went 33-0 and won his second consecutive national championship in the 184 lb. weight class, Penn State junior wrestler Ed Ruth has decided to forgo his final year of eligibility and become a professional wrestler in the WWE.
“We are extremely excited to add a wrestler of Ruth’s caliber,” said Vince McMahon, the Chairman and CEO of World Wrestling Entertainment. “He will be joining us tomorrow, where he will immediately get a nickname, an entrance theme, a character/story line and enough PED’s to kill an elephant.”
According to a press release put out by WWE, Ruth will be on the card on April 7 at their marquee event, Wrestlemania, where he will wrestle some guy you’ve never heard of because you stopped watching pro wrestling when you were 15 like everyone else.
In a prepared statement, Ruth wished Penn State wrestling the best in his absence, saying, “After talking it over with my family and friends, we have decided that this is a move I need to make. Also, if I have to go through another practice where coach (Cael) Sanderson or (Cody) Cunningham line us up and pins every one of us in 20 seconds I may cry.”
As expected, Sanderson was “upset” and “blindsided” by the move, which is being called “unprecedented” among some in the college wrestling community.
“Wait, what?” Sanderson said to a group of reporters when asked for a statement, “You can do that? Crap.”
Penn State wrestling insiders have pegged Scott “The Body” Syrek as Ruth’s replacement. Syrek, who wrestled at 197 lbs. this past season and went 11-10, is being expected to lose 14 lbs. in order to make weight.
“No, seriously, you can do that?” a perplexed Syrek asked reporters when he was given the news. “Well, this sucks.”
An introductory press conference for Ruth will be held on April 2 at WWE Headquarters in Stamford, Connecticut.