‘Twas the night before Christmas, Evil Bill O’Brien Edition
This holiday poem was written by a man known simply as Evil Bill O’Brien (@evilbillobrien), Penn State’s favorite Twitter personality. Self described as “the (fake) darker, egotistical side of Penn State’s coach,” Evil Bill O’Brien is a necessary follow if you’re on Twitter. Here’s some background information on the author, and here’s last year’s poem. Evil Bill O’Brien is not affiliated with Penn State University or head coach Bill O’Brien.
‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through State College,
Not a creature was punting, at least not to my knowledge.
The stockings were hung by the locker with care,
With anticipation our extra scholarships would soon be there.
Penn Staters were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of 2013 danced in their heads.
Me in my old school sweatshirt and Penn State Cap,
Attacking that Sports Illustrated article and calling it crap.
NFL rumors started in January and arose such a clatter,
Fans took to the internet to see what was the matter.
People thought I was done and gone in a flash,
Then I called a presser and said calm your A**.
The Blue-White Game in April, and it started to snow,
Who would be our quarterback, when would we know?
In the summer to what to my wondering eyes should appear,
A baby-faced freshman and the offense he’d steer.
With a young QB driving and an experienced O-line,
I knew at that moment that we would be fine.
Sure there were questions and they thought we would rattle,
They said we’d be done, but these fighters would battle!
Now Carson! Now, Felder! now, Urschel and Willis!
On, Howle! On, Gilliam! On, DaQuan and Gress!
Baublitz, Butterworth Davie, Zerbe; what could go wrong?
Lehman, Shrive, Blanchard, Kenney and Stephen Obeng-Agyapong.
September was here and was gone in a blink
3 wins and a loss, was this ship starting to sink?
So on to October and the heart of the Big Ten,
Pundits saying we’d falter, not if, but when.
After Indiana, the questions grew louder
4 OT win vs. Michigan, we couldn’t be prouder
As we went to Columbus to face that phoney Meyer,
We took it on the chin and the situation seemed dire.
Illinois had us on the ropes for Beckman’s 1st conference win,
I was just setting him up so I could wipe off his smug grin.
The team battled back for another overtime game,
With Illinois on the losing end, it was just more of the same.
A Minnesota loss and a convincing win vs. Purdue.
This team always bounced back, you can see how they grew!
Nebraska dampened Senior Day and the end was near,
The 2013 team had one more chance at a winning year.
On the road vs. Wisconsin seemed like a loss at first glance,
But with these bunch of “fighters” there’s always a chance.
The time had come for the media’s picks,
And the unanimous decision was we’d finish six and six.
But there was still some magic left in this season’s tank,
These kids nor this program were prepared to be sank.
One last chance to show what Penn State is about,
The Senior Class deserved to be winners, and we removed all doubt.
Another winning season, after they said the program would die,
Well they underestimated the genius of the bald Irish guy.
And the character of Penn State, will always be strong,
Oh, how I love to prove the so-called experts wrong.
And now we fight on after another crazy year,
But you will stress and wonder if I’ll be here.
It’s been a hell of a ride and our future looks great,
Happy Holidays to all, for the glory of old State!