Ten Songs That Will Be Overplayed at THON 2014

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DJ Larry Moore has a tall order at THON. It could get pretty awkward in the Bryce Jordan Center if a lyrically explicit, heavily edited song comes on, because, you know, #FTK and stuff.

As such, there are generally certain songs that get played a lot. If they’ve got references to staying up all night, dancing, saving the world, or diamonds, you’ll be hearing them quite often this weekend. For instance, “We Found Love” by Rihanna and Calvin Harris was played over and over and over at THON 2012, predictably because of the bit about “yellow diamonds in the light.”

Here are some recently released pop songs that I think dancers may become terrified of by THON’s end:

10. “Get Lucky” by Daft Punk featuring Pharrell Williams

Problem: Though this megahit’s chorus has an obvious THON tie – “we’re up all night to get lucky” – that last bit is a little inappropriate for THON. Weighing those two parts, I think we’ll hear a good deal of this song, but not as much as we would if we were “up all night to get money,” or something, idk.

9. “We Can’t Stop” by Miley Cyrus

Edit out the bits about the strip club and doing lines in the bathroom and you’ve got a somewhat family-friendly tune, kind of maybe not really but it’ll still get played!

8. “Brave” by Sara Bareilles

“Honestly, I wanna see you be brave” works quite well with the message of THON, even though this song is annoying as hell. Expect to hear a good deal of it.

7. “Roar” by Katy Perry

This one is here for similar reasons as “Brave.” Motivational lyrics (“cause I am a champion / and you’re gonna hear me roar”) and huge chart success make it easy. But by the end of THON, maybe dancers will be the ones “roaring” for this song to go away, huh?

6. “Can’t Hold Us” by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis

“So we put our hands up…” like the BJC can’t hold us because it’s at capacity…?

By the way, I think this is your stone cold lock for a song that Go Go Gadjet will play.

5. “Hey Brother” by Avicii

This was the worst song on Avicii’s album by far, but it became incredibly popular, of course. “Hey Brother” provides a call-back to “Save the World” by Swedish House Mafia, another overplayed tune at THON 2012, as they’re both inspirational-y songs by electronic dance artists.

4. “Safe and Sound” by Capital Cities

This is the only song on this list I really like, and it’s been popular forever. I’m not even going to make a terrible joke or complain about this one. Good job, good effort, Capital Cities.

3. “Timber” by Pitbull featuring Ke$ha

I have little doubt that this extremely overplayed song will be extremely overplayed at THON. It’s just too popular not to be. But I present to you three compelling reasons against why it should be played: First, the lyrics. Here’s a snippet:

“I have ‘em like Miley Cyrus, clothes off / Twerking in their bras and thongs, timber / Face down, booty up, timber / That’s the way we like to–what?–timber / I’m slicker than an oil spill / She say she won’t, but I bet she will, timber.”

THON has played songs like “Party Rock Anthem” and “Super Bass” before, so I doubt those lyrics will stop it from being played, but…yikes. Second, well, think about it: You’ve got hundreds of people on the floor who have been standing for an inhuman amount of time, and this whiny voice just keeps yelling at them that “it’s going down, timber.” Holy hell, that is going to suck for the dancers. Sorry, guys. But I think my third reason is the best: This song is by PITBULL and KE$HA. Pitbull. And Ke$ha. In the same song. My head hurts now.

2. “Best Song Ever” by One Direction

Not only is One Direction really popular with kids, the chorus is hella THON: “We danced all night / to the best song ever.” Though “Best Song Ever” is arguably the worst song ever, we can’t deny that it’s perfect for THON – you’ve got more than 700 people dancing all night(s), 46 times to the line dance.

1. “Diamonds” by Rihanna

Dude does THON have a deal with Rihanna to make songs that are ridiculously applicable to THON or something? Full disclosure: I was all ready to make “Best Song Ever” tops on this list, but then checked the Billboard charts to make sure I didn’t miss any good ones, and, bam! I am reminded that Rihanna made a song last year with more than 400,000,000 Youtube hits that is literally called “Diamonds.” The chorus? “Shine bright like a diamond.” Come on. It’s too perfect. I smell a conspiracy. Anyway, unless delirium has anything to say about it, THON dancers should know every word to this bad boy by Sunday at 4 p.m.

A duo that barely missed the cut: “Clarity” by Zedd and Foxes and “Wake Me Up” by Avicii.

Photo By: Ryan Beckler

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Tim Gilbert

Runs this website from the Phyrst’s Table 69. Senior from Philadelphia. First-generation Penn Stater. I might go to law school after this, but I might not, too. “For the Glory” is in my email signature because I’m a douche. [email protected] is my email if you want to tell me why I suck.

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