Contributions by: Carolyn Popescu
Pictures by: Steffen Blanco and Kevin Cacela

Whether you’re a fan of the holiday or starkly opposed to it, February 14 and Valentine’s Day are rapidly approaching. In the spirit of love and romance, or something, we decided to help you out with your quest for true love (or at least a date).

Last year, we showed you the best spots in State College to go on a date. Of course, dates require people to go on dates with. We set out with the intention of finding the best spots in State College to find a willing partner for your V-day, but had no such luck. In fact, our luck was so bad, we ended up finding some of the worst spots to find a date. Learn from our mistakes, and don’t try picking up a date at these locations:

The Stacks

The stacks in the library are quiet, close-together, and dimly lit – seemingly a perfect, dare I say intimate, place to find a date. Surrounding yourself with books also gives the image that you’re a worldly, smart person, one that any sane person would love to date. It turns out that some people feel as though the stacks are “creepy” or “why would you actually think it’s a good idea to hit on me in a dark labyrinth where someone was literally murdered,” and even “leave me alone I’m trying to study for a test you creep.” While on paper the stacks have all the makings of a great spot to find a partner, the reality is quite different.

Standing Next to the Willard Preacher

Despite the fact that there is something inherently erotic about the Preacher telling you that your post-date copulation will lead to you burning in hell with fire and brimstone and all that, there’s something about the preacher’s spot that just doesn’t work. Is his red sweatshirt too aggressive? Maybe potential dates just don’t like the sweet sound of that man’s voice, but no matter what it is, this spot just didn’t get our staffers a date — avoid at all costs.

A Laundry Room

Laundry is, in one word, sexy. Think about it: the laundry is dirty, it gets wet, then it gets really hot rolling around with the rest of the laundry, and at the end it smells really good, which is why everyone loves freshly clean laundry. Sure, it’s basically in reverse order, but that sounds like the end of a fantastic date. Much to our surprise, nobody else saw it that way and instead of leaving with a date, our writers just left with fewer quarters than they came with.

University Health Services

Don’t get us wrong, we knew UHS wouldn’t be a traditional pick-up spot. But, we thought maybe standing outside of UHS would show passersby that, by virtue of not being inside the building we could show potential Valentines that we were not sick, and therefore, good candidates for a date. Plus, include the people coming out of UHS for non-sickness related issues, and you have a fairly large pool of people to choose from. Of course, just because the logic holds up doesn’t mean that everyone else thinks the same way. It turns out that standing outside UHS looking for a romantic partner does not paint a great picture in everybody’s eyes.

Your Roommate’s Bed

Your roommate’s bed seems like an obvious place to start looking for a date. Located conveniently in the same room as you, there are some obvious pros to this situation – the girl (or guy) already knows where you live so directions won’t be an issue, she already has your roommate’s stamp of approval, and who isn’t happy and comfortable when they’re in bed? Maybe it’s the crankiness of waking up or maybe it’s because your potential date doesn’t appreciate you violating your roommate’s personal space by being on his bed; we had no luck at this site.

By Campus Construction

If construction sites weren’t sexy The Village People wouldn’t have been so popular, and everyone I’ve ever met knows all the words to “YMCA.” So we tried to pick up a date by some construction on campus, because people love hard work and new things, right? It was likely due to a lack of construction garb, but the spot just didn’t seem to start many conversations, and certainly didn’t lead to any dates.

An Elevator

Career counselors always tell you to make sure you work on your “elevator pitch” for recruiters, so it only makes sense to try it out on a real elevator, even if you’re looking for a date instead of a job. Aerosmith even has a famous song called “Love in an Elevator,” so this spot seemed like a great place to find a date. Pair that with the intimacy of a small metal box, and the plan seemed foolproof. Unfortunately for our staff members, whether it was due to bad breath, claustrophobic potential dates, or a combination of the two, no dates were secured on our elevator rides.

An 8 a.m. Class