Remember when you were in middle school when you’d look up “how to be cool” or “how to make friends” on wikiHow? No? Me neither.
Turns out, wikiHow didn’t lose relevance as soon as you got through puberty. If you look up “Penn State” on the site, up comes a nine-step guide to having a fun at a Penn State football game.
Reading through it, there were a few things that stuck out as odd. Why does it take nine separate steps to enjoy anything, let alone a football game at Beaver Stadium?
Despite this, nothing said “I’ve never been to a Penn State football game” more than the stock images. Even the “How to Become a Hardcore Michigan Wolverines Fan” guide had a few photos of the Michigan Athletics website. Not sure who wrote this, edited it over time, or decided that these Creative Commons photos were the best ones to convey proper fun to the aimless freshmen, but let’s take a closer look at each step and the image that goes with it:
Okay, good, we know that you need to prepare well for a football weekend. Is the above book the one you should be reading to learn all the chants? No. Is reading really the best way to ready yourself for a weekend of shenanigans? Definitely not.
“But Mom, the wikiHow said I have to be up exactly 5 hours before the game!”
I don’t have a problem with this girl eating what looks like a plain bun by herself. As long as she gets something in her stomach.
C’mon. They’re not even all in blue. One’s in an Arsenal shirt. Of all of the stock photos of happy people having a great time in their school colors (like this one) they could pick, this is the they you went went with?
An hour?! Why were we getting up five hours before the game if we were only gonna tailgate for an hour?! And why are we drinking out of a Rubbermaid reusable water bottle?!
This one’s my personal favorite. The author of this entry is in for a fun surprise once realizing that students don’t sit at Penn State football games. Perhaps they just want to save their energy for when they casually rush the field for no particular reason (Editor’s Note: In the warning section at the bottom of the page, the author raised the chance of getting arrested for rushing the field from possibly to most likely. Proceed with caution.)
Our favorite gal is back, seemingly ready to spit some serious bars for her friends in the multi-colored shirts in the student section.
What we wouldn’t all give to be a Penn State cheerleader. Maybe then, we’ll be close enough to get the “real” experience.