In Surprise Move, The Onion Targets Sandusky Scandal

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In a shocking turn of events, satirical news outlet The Onion has decided to target Penn State as the subject of ridicule and derision. The outlet, which is well-known for its mockery and sarcasm, has never once piggybacked off of the hate that many Americans feel for Penn State football. Now, it’s looking to change that.

“We are really working hard on making sure people actually read our articles instead of simply reading the headlines, which is what pretty much everyone does,” said Mike McAvoy, the President and CEO of The Onion. “After hours and hours of strategy meetings, we decided that we’d go in the direction of appealing to that crowd that likes to make sexual assault jokes on Facebook. That demographic could be huge for us. I don’t really know how we didn’t think of making fun of Penn State, given the Sandusky stuff and all.”

McAvoy said he hopes they can get, perhaps, 25 times the likes on Facebook on an article like this than a normal article. Here’s a theoretical representation of what that increased user interaction would look like:

“We’ll probably put in a lot of fucking curse words to make that shit hilarious,” McAvoy added. “You know those students who chose Penn State because it was the best financial choice for a bright kid from a Pennsylvania family? Yeah, we want to make sure those kids can’t wear a Penn State t-shirt without hearing a loud ‘Joe Knew’ wherever they go.”

The Onion has not written anything on Penn State before. And each word in that last sentence definitely doesn’t link to a different story from The Onion about the Sandusky scandal.

We look forward to seeing what creative content The Onion will come up with regarding the Sandusky scandal, which college football fans usually don’t associate with Penn State football anymore.

Photo By: Matt Sniegowski
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Derek Bannister

Derek is a junior majoring in Economics and History. He is legally required to tell you that he's from right outside of Philly. Email Derek compliments and dad-jokes at [email protected]

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