Hopefully today’s contest between the Spartans and Nittany Lions doesn’t drive you to drink the same way that last week’s disheartening loss to Ohio State did. However, that’s not to say that you can’t still enjoy the game with your fair share of impaired judgment.
Drink up, State, and thanks for playing along.
For every time Fox Sports shows the Land Grant Trophy, take a shot so it looks a little bit less ugly each time.
Take a nice, long sip of beer for every mention of the College Football Playoff to calm your nerves.
Each time the announcers bring up last week’s game against Ohio State, finish your beer, chuck the can at TV, and tell them to shut the hell up because we’re only focused on going 1-0 this week.
Whenever Trace McSorley throws away an easy completion, shotgun a Natty and call your closest bro to tell him that Tuddy Tommy Stevens has to start, bro.
Every time you change the channel to check the score of Ohio State vs. Iowa or Clemson vs. NC State, stop drinking and take fifteen minutes in the penalty box as punishment for not taking it one game at a time and thinking about anything other than Michigan State, Michigan State, Michigan State, Michigan State, Michigan State, Michigan State.
Every time Michigan State tackles Saquon Barkley for a loss, finish your drink. If it’s anything like last week, you’ll be blacked out by the third quarter.
In case Barkley returns to his normal level of productivity, for the same effect, finish your drink whenever Fox Sports plays a replay of one of his highlight reel plays.
If you can overhear a “F*** Penn State” cheer from the Michigan State crowd, make a toast both to going to the most-hated school in the country and to the time you yelled “We want Bama” on national television, a much more elitist jeer.
“penn state sucks!!!”
first of all, I don’t see how u can hate from outside the club
— Mary Joyce (@maaryjoyce) November 3, 2017