The leaves falling and the first snowfall of the year mean many things. But most importantly: It’s cuffing season.
For those of you not familiar with the term, cuffing season refers to that time of year when your summer flings have simmered, it’s starting to get cold and you need someone to cuddle with, and everyone around you seems to be settling in with a significant other for the winter. So naturally you want to follow suit and get yourself cuffed…or cuff someone else? How do the kids say it these days?
If you still haven’t found that special someone this season, oh boy, you’re in luck. Our own Anthony Tata has graciously volunteered to be pimped out for the sake of an investigation into cuffing season at Penn State. (Editor’s note: We’re not actually exchanging money for sex. Please don’t arrest our website — even if it’s tempting to “cuff” us. Heh.)
Anthony is Onward State’s most eligible bachelor — a Penn State freshman optimistic about his chances to cuff or be cuffed this season — and we’re here to help him out. You won’t want to miss your opportunity to go on a date with this certified Sweet Boy™ so I advise you to act now before he gets cuffed by someone else.
Here’s a quick profile in case you’re not convinced, but we know we’d already be sold if it were up to us:
Interests: exploring, being a
certified Masshole Boston native, science (the medical field, biology), filmmaking, movies
Likes: pizza (not Dominos, y’all), good Italian food, meeting new people, music (but not metal), Chance the Rapper
Dislikes: hot rooms (Editor’s note: Chilly rooms are much better for snuggling.), sushi, coffee, heights
What I’m Looking for in a Girl: fun to be around, outgoing, not clingy but not cold either, someone who motivates me to be a better person, someone I can genuinely get along with
My Perfect Date: really good food (but doesn’t have to be fancy), something adventurous/maybe embarrassing (like skating — I suck at skating), then just chilling and watching a movie
Now that you’re sold on Anthony, it’s your turn to sell Anthony on you: