Penn State Men’s Basketball Ranked No. 1 In Mustache Department

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Duke may be No. 1 in the rankings based on worthless things like wins, losses, and proven talent like Grayson Allen, but that all pales in comparison to the furry upper lips in Happy Valley.

In keeping up with the theme of Penn State mustaches in the great month of November, we thought it’d be a mistake not to mention the facial hair rocked on Pat Chambers’ roster.

The mustache is one of the most timeless looks on the face of a man through the ages. Many great Penn Staters have worn the mustache to perfection, and a handful of Penn State basketballs stars are continuing the tradition.

Without further ado, here are the players who make Penn State worthy of the mustache crown in collegiate basketball:

Mike Watkins

Photo: Penn State Athletics

Mike Watkins is a problem. So is his mustache. His mixture of pure athleticism, height, and length make him an elite rebounder and blocker. He is also shooting almost 70 percent from the line this year, which is quite impressive for such a big body — especially as a sophomore. Most importantly, however, Watkins rocks an elite mustache.

The meticulous care that Watkins takes of his mustache is always on display, whether he’s catching alley-oops from Tony Carr or swatting away some ill-advised shot. Where does Watkins derive his power from? The ‘stache, of course.

Tony Carr

Tony Carr’s mustache is arguably more casual than Watkins’, but no less impressive. Carr’s ‘stache says, “I can cooly knock down a fade-away jumper in the post just as easily as I can find a shooter in space, and I’m going to look good doing it.” Carr’s dominance on the floor is equal to his mustache’s dominance over his upper lip.

Julian Moore

If you have any plans of getting into the paint, the combination of Julian Moore and Mike Watkins may be disheartening. Not only do the two combine as a formidable defensive duo, but they also don similarly brilliant mustaches. The mustache/short sleeve undershirt combo must have the opposition quaking in its boots.

Satchel Pierce

Photo: Penn State Athletics

The big man — a transfer from Virginia Tech — knows just how to please the crowd: with his play and his facial hair. Pierce not only rock a mustache to be reckoned with, but also complements it with a goatee to match. The forward brought Penn State’s mustache game up a notch when he arrived in Happy Valley.

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Derek Bannister

Derek is a junior majoring in Economics and History. He is legally required to tell you that he's from right outside of Philly. Email Derek compliments and dad-jokes at [email protected]

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