Noah Simmons

A new fad has hit Penn State, one that threatens to be greater than Pogs, Pokemon, and Yo-yos combined. They make you feel like Buzz Aldrin, and make Sketchers' ShapeUps look conservative.  I'm referring, of course, to Kangoo Jumps (KJs). Already rumored to be featured on the Richard Simmons comeback exercise video (full disclosure: the author started this rumor...right now), Kangoo Jumps are taking State College by storm, in all their goofy glory.

For those of you who've never been to CollegeMansion.com, it's a very classy and upstanding site. Imagine the PlayBoy mansion, but online, and with no (total) nudity. As far as I can tell, the goal of the website is to give members of the LARPing club and creepy 60 year olds something to "look" at on Friday nights. Like all things in America, there needs to be a number 1 Mansion girl, which is why the website has been hosting a Mansion Madness head-to-head competition to crown Miss Mansion. And our very own Dakota Konstas has made the final two! Read on to learn more about Dakota...

Have you ever thought to yourself, "Self, I do believe that the CATA system is the most efficiently run in the country"? If you have, you're not alone. The American Public Transportation Association seems to think so too, as they awarded CATA manager Hugh Mose their Outstanding Public Transportation Manager Award.

There's no such thing as a free lunch. Or is there? During this week, Lionmenus is offering exclusive buy-one get-one free discount codes for Golden Wok, Mamma Mia Pizza, and Pita Pit.

Rush Limbaugh isn't the only one who wants your unused pills. On Saturday, the State College Police Department held an event that offered residents of State College a chance to safely dispose of their unused prescription pills. Residents were able to hand over their pills anonymously at a box in the police department. This event was part of a nation-wide effort that took place this weekend, coordinated by the Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA).

Last week, Graham Spanier released (and subsequently blueballed us with) a preview of his State of the University address. After many sleepless nights and cold showers, the day finally arrived on Friday. Penn Staters everywhere awoke to an email from G-Span himself.

Grab a clean pair of pants, and without further ado, the State of the University:

There are some things that are bound to happen every year at Penn State: Rumors swirl about JoePa retiring. People raise an absurd amount of money for THON. But the most important occurrence of all is the Graham Spanier State of the University Address.

Yes, that’s right, Afroman (Joseph Foreman) is coming to Happy Valley. This Grammy-nominated artist who brought us the popular songs “Because I Got High” and “Crazy Rap” (better known as “Colt 45″) will be performing at 9 p.m. at the Mezzanine. Tickets are available at the door and cost $10.

In recent months, the United States has been suffering a new “epidemic." No, it's not swine flu, SARS, or Bieber Fever.

It truly is what separates the men from the boys, and the awkwardly feminine from the possibly Canadian. It is Paternoville, and in the mind of this journalist it is one of the things that truly separates Penn State from the pack. This past week, I participated in the first Paternoville of the year in anticipation of the Youngstown State game. This year brings with it a renovated Gate A, and slightly new procedures for Paternoville.

And you thought you were having a rough year! Take a look at Meteorology professor Michael Mann’s. Mann was the subject of a recent Virginia court case that focused on his time spent at the University of Virginia and grants he may have used in his climate research. The Virginia Attorney General, Kenneth Cuccinelli, lost his case forcing UVA to disclose the grant documents, but Mann still might not be out of the woods.


Read on to see what could be next for Mann…

The meek shall inherit the...nothing? That's wha it's seemed like lately at Penn State, if you take out "meek" and replace it with "performing arts groups". For all the dozens of performing arts groups at Penn State, our fine, state-sponsored University has not a single performing arts space for student organizations. Groups like No Refund Theater, Full Ammo Improv, The Thespians, and countless a capella groups who desire a location to perform have been left recently having to scavenge for large lecture halls. An existent problem for many years, the limited number of performance space has come to the breaking point. Learn more after the jump...

Earlier this week we reported that Copper Beech had decided not to renew its contract with CATA for prepaid bus passes for its West Aaron tenants. This was due to the fact that CATA was requesting a 21% rate increase. After several days of angry complaints from the tenants, Copper Beech decided to give the power to the people and allowed the residents to give their input. Yesterday, Copper Beech regional manager Stephen Hilton sent a letter to the West Aaron residents informing them that their CATA privileges would be returned. Read after the jump to hear more about Copper Beech's decision...

s many of you may know, Graham Spanier is in touch with the student body. They don't pay him the big bucks for nothing. He gets involved, and he knows what's going on. Perhaps the best tool available to him is his yearly tradition of spending move-in weekend in a freshman residence hall. By doing this, he's able to get to know some students, check up on the condition of student life, and make a good impression. Through the Penn State Facebook page, he shared some of his thoughts from the experience. Read on to hear Dr. Spanier's thoughts (with some reading between the lines by yours truly)...

This article will tell you definitively who the starting quarterback for the Nittany Lion football team will be. That's not true. I lied. How do you feel right now? Confused? Angry? Exhausted from riding this emotional rollercoaster? It's not fun when someone promises to give you one thing, and then takes it away, is it? That's what the Copper Beech residents at West Aaron Drive are feeling after having been stripped of their CATA bus passes. Read after the jump to learn why Copper Beech tenants at West Aaron lost their CATA passes...

For years, universities have been sweetening the deal of attending their institutions by providing students with "free" technology. Students have been bribed with laptops, iPhones, and even iPads. A California university recently began a program which will give journalism students iPads to help write their articles (which I think is a great idea. Does someone want to donate $10,000 to Onward State? Anybody? Bueller?). Well, the iPad craze has made its way to Happy Valley. See how after the jump.

WPSU-FM (an NPR radio station operating out of Penn State) will be hosting a forum ("Exploring Solutions to Drinking Culture") discussing the problem of underage and excessive drinking this Sunday, May 2nd at 7 P.M. I know what you're probably thinking, another forum talking about the problems of drinking and how we should fix them. If the community's going to do something, shouldn't they just do it? I thought the same thing, so I got in touch with Cynthia Berger, the Senior Producer of WPSU and the moderator of the forum. Read more about the forum and what she replied after the jump.

Despite being hailed as the number one party school in the country by the Princeton Review last year (our article), Penn State didn't even crack the top 10 on Playboy's 2009 Top Party Schools. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? The two rankings have significant differences in their methodology for crowning the party king. The Princeton Review's rankings are based on a survey of 122,000 college students across the country which, while very democratic approach, has lead to the criticism that the rankings are nothing more than a popularity contest. Playboy's system is quite less ambiguous and more scientific (Playboy being more calculated than the Princeton Review?). However, their system may be a little biased towards certain schools. They use 5 categories: Bikini, Sex, Campus, Sports, and Brains. Each one of these categories had careful equations applied to them. Read on for the full methodology and list.

Putting the controversy surrounding last year's shirts behind us, 2010's White Out shirts have recently been released for public purchase. Available at the Penn State University Athletics online store, the shirts are selling for $15. Feel like being one of 40,000 people to have the same shirt? Head on over and get one. More after the jump.

Yes, it’s that time of the year again. The sun is out, the mercury is rising in the thermometers, bikes are everywhere, and of course every square inch of grass is covered with students at varying levels of undress. Whether you want to work on your tan, read a book, study, or throw a frisbee around, the spot you choose is a key part of the fun. Concerned about where to position yourself? Read on for Onward State’s list of ideal locations!

How often do you have questions about the inner workings of our political system? How often do you get a chance to have those questions answered by two high-ranking White House advisers? Not very often. Although Congress passed a major student-loan bill this month, health care was getting all the attention. Most students really don’t know how this bill will affect them.


In an apparent attempt to fulfill their promise of transparency, and in continuation with their dominance of political technology, the White House team (WhiteHouse.gov) is teaming up with the Huffington Post to present a 30 minute video chat with Secretary of Education Arne Duncan and the White House’s top domestic national policy adviser, Melody Barnes. They’re calling it “Open For Questions“.


The best part? The questions could be yours. Read on to find out how.

Remember in the fall when everyone was really worked up about the proposed Nuisance Ordinance?


For those of you who don’t remember, this piece of legislation proposed to hold party hosts responsible for actions that their guests commit, even after they’ve left the party. That piece of legislation is back before the borough council, and the division and controversy is starting up again.


More details after the jump.

In the midst of Obama's health care success came another, albeit less publicized, fulfillment of a campaign promise. Congress endorsed his plan to overhaul the federal student loan system. Now the legislation moves on to the Senate, where leaders think they have the votes to get it passed. The most major of the bill's effects on student-loans is that $61 billion in savings from switching to Direct Loans will be reallocated to support the Pell Grant program, which provides need-based tuition grants to students.

What did you do over spring break? The answers to this question would vary immensely across the spectrum of students at campus. Hung out at home, went out of the country, volunteered, etc. Some of us had more fun than others. And then there's Kevin Cassidy. While in Acapulco, Kevin, a Senior at Penn State, decided to jump off of a cliff platform into a pool. It didn't quite go the way he planned. Thankfully, someone was on hand with a camera, and the resulting video now has over 100,000 views at break.com. Check it out for yourself after the jump, and maybe that hangover you had over break won't seem quite as bad.

Thursday night, the Penn State Marketing Association (PSMA) hosted a concert in the HUB with DJ Benzi, Big Sean, and Mike Posner performing. Fresh off of their performance at SXSW (South by Southwest music festival in Austin, Texas), these up-and-coming artists really shook up the room and laid down a great concert.


Mike Posner, who graduates this year from Duke, has gained popularity over the last year after releasing two mixtapes for free online. Posner, who’s been making beats since he was 13, holed up in his dorm room last January and wrote, recorded, edited, and produced his first mixtape, “A Matter of Time”. Since then, Posner has released another mix tape, “One Foot Out the Door,” and signed a record deal.


Read on to find out more about Posner’s double life as a touring musician and a student.

Gabriel Iglesias will be kicking off SPA's April Fools Comedy Month when he performs on April 1 at Eisenhower Auditorium. "Fluffy" has been entertaining audiences with his stand-up and voice impressions for years and has gained popularity through appearances on NBC's Last Comic Standing, as well as Comedy Central (he also was the voice of Mexican #5 on an episode of Family Guy). Tickets are free with a student ID and go on sale March 22 at the HUB Information Desk, Eisenhower Auditorium, Bryce Jordan Ticket Center, and Penn State Tickets Downtown. Haven't heard of Iglesias? Check out this clip from his "Hot & Fluffy" special after the jump.

With last week's Penn State spring break, students were able to put down their textbooks and take a break. However, it seems that relaxation was contagious. For many years, the State College Area School District had its spring break aligned with Penn State's, but this year things were different. The two breaks only partially aligned.
The Centre Daily Times reported that from Wednesday to Friday last week between 17 and 19 percent of students at State College High School were absent, more than 3 times the average rate. With approximately 12 percent of students filling out educational trip forms to explain their absence, the halls of State College High were 450 people emptier than usual.
The school district was expecting this, though perhaps not to the degree it actually happened. With so many faculty children and siblings of Penn State students in the State College Area School District, families had been complaining for months that they would be unable to use spring break to vacation together.

In their continued attempt at the hearts and minds of college women, the editors and writers at Valley Magazine have teamed up with herCampus.com to bring us the first annual PSU Mr. Freshman 2013. What's herCampus.com you may ask? It's basically Valley Magazine. Only online. And national.

HerCampus.com is a new Web site for college women. The site covers everything from career advice to dorm life to relationships. Her Campus Penn State, using editors and writers from Penn State's Valley magazine, is a part of Her Campus that creates content written specifically for Penn State women.

For the Mr. Penn State Freshman competition, the writers of Valley Magazine have picked four gentlemen that they consider to be the pride of the class of 2013. With GPA's ranging from 2.8 to 4.0, and extracurriculars ranging from Scandinavian club to Ballroom Dancing, these gentlemen truly span the spectrum of the Penn State freshman class. So check out the website to find out the answers to the deep, difficult questions: what would you buy at Walmart with a blank check, what's your favorite talking point on a date, etc. While you're there, vote for your favorite Freshman, and check out the rest of herCampus.com

Whenever I watch any of the Indiana Jones movies, I can’t help but think how cool it would be to live as this Harrison Ford character (excluding the last movie). I’d get to go on quests, have adventures, make discoveries. Apparently Jim L-G had the same idea and decided to set of on a journey of epic proportions. He made up his mind to find the oldest printed ampersand. At Penn State.


Read on to find out more about this intellectual quest…

On Monday, the Centre Daily Times posted an article in their Op-Ed column written by the self-proclaimed Apostle of the Keystone Church, Perry Babb. Apostle Babb was writing to propose 10 solutions to the "irresponsible, dangerous drinking downtown and in the Centre Region". Admittedly, Babb has been involved in many failed efforts to solve this problem, but evidently thinks that these 10 solutions are the real deal. Why? Read on to see what I think about each of Apostle Babb's solutions...