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1 Overheard At New Student Orientation

New Student Orientation is an exciting time for incoming freshmen: with eyes full of wonder and heads full of questions, there’s no shortage of inquisitive comments and hilarious concerns. We recorded the best and now give you Overheard: NSO Edition.

3 75 Things You Need To Know About Penn State Before Arriving In Happy Valley In 75 Days

Do you know who Mary Krupa is? Could you tell a friend the job of Penn State’s BoT? Excited to move back to Happy Valley in a mere 75 days? We’ve compiled a list of 75 things that you need to know about Penn State, one for each day until we’re back, so now there’s no reason to hide your puzzled look when your older brother tells you to hop on the “whoop.”

42 Psychic Mediums Like Monica Ten-Kate Are Lying Frauds: A Retraction

Instead of reporting critically, we presented her implausible assertions at face value, and implied that Ten-Kate can actually speak to the dead. In reality, she most certainly can’t talk to the dead, because that’s quite simply impossible. Anyone who claims to have that power is a liar. We apologize for any confusion or ire this may have caused amongst our readership, and we appreciate your comments.

1 The HUB Is A Playground: Swing Set To Adorn Green Roof Terrace

Nearly a month after the HUB expansion’s grand opening, Penn State officials have confirmed the addition of a swingset to the HUB’s new Green Roof Terrace, the Class of 2014’s Senior Class Gift. With the addition, the University officially declared the HUB a playground, despite students adamantly declaring the HUB not a playground last year over social media.

41 University Source: Joe Paterno Statue Melted Down For Rodney A. Erickson Food Science Building

After hours of painstaking research, we at Onward State can officially confirm that Erickson’s final act before being succeeded by Eric Barron was to have the statue smelted and molded. The bronze likeness of the winningest coach in major college football history is now being used to promote the president who graciously saved the school from its massive culture problem.

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