If you're like me, you have absolutely no game. I'm talking a complete inability to say anything clever, funny, or sexy to anyone, regardless of sobriety level. Realizing my shortcomings, the Onward State staff decided to help out and compile a list of Penn State-themed pickup lines. We'll provide a list here for your viewing pleasure, and hope you utilize them to the best of your abilities.
If the only time you find yourself at the Penn State Bookstore is when you're picking up textbooks, you're missing out. We took a trip to the store's temporary mobile home on the HUB Lawn to browse the items currently in stock.
Through the years, we have seen so many different schedules. We've learned that each schedule requires a certain level of preparation and effort (along with a certain level of stress and panic). With that in mind, we bring you the best and worst finals schedules of Fall 2014.
We sent out some film guys to see how Penn State students recreated the famous Nittany Lion roar.
There's no two ways about it: You really screwed the pooch on this one, pal. For you, our loyal readers, we've compiled a step-by-step guide to dealing with the fact that you totally, totally ate it on your midterms.
Assuming you went out last night, you may have hit the point where you had one too many to drink. OK, you may have had eight too many. Here are 10 hangover remedies to help you get through the day.
At last night's Guarding of the Shrine the lion ambassadors convinced Sue Paterno to get down to Taylor Swift's "Shake it Off" after her speech.
Welcome freshmen! I see you’ve survived your first month here as a Penn State student. By now you’ve undoubtedly Instagrammed a photo of Old Main, argued or watched someone argue with the Willard Preacher, eaten a West cookie and told 13 different people the same uninteresting story about just how drunk you were last weekend and how much you can’t even (Don’t worry, we’ve noticed your progress). Staples of your first month in Happy Valley, no doubt.
The Willard Preacher has been outside of Willard doing his thing for years. The content is always controversial but frankly, it's getting kind of stale. So, we came up with a game to keep things interesting. Next time you're sitting outside Willard, pull out this bingo board and see how many you can get.
Inside Waring Commons' West Food District lies a dessert straight out of Penn State lore, up there with Berkey Creamery ice cream and Grilled Stickies: West Cookies. When you say the phrase, everyone knows what you mean. Everyone knows what to picture: warm, gooey, fresh-baked rounds placed underneath sliding glass, gently laid on a bed of wax paper atop the baking sheet. What could anyone possibly have against them?
Here are some of the weirdest Penn State-related items we could find online.
Rob Bolden was a starting quarterback for the first time in two years on Saturday. It did not go well.
The Bryce Jordan Center hosts an eclectic group of events throughout the year. From concerts to the career fair, there is almost nothing that the arena won't host. So naturally, when we found out that Penn State's Entemology department would be hosting "The Great Insect Fair" at the BJC, our minds were piqued. Now, we at Onward State like to take a different approach to events like this, so we decided to send three of our writers in different states of mind to the fair.
With Fall Career Days starting today, Penn Staters are in full-on job hunting mode. Over three days, thousands will flock to the BJC to talk to their dream companies, or, well, whoever will take their résumés. There are dozens of different types of people who go to the career fair, so we decided to profile a few of them.
We've power ranked Gary Nova's five interceptions from Penn State's 13-10 win on Saturday.
We here at Onward State plan to make the most out of this weekend. With that in mind, here's a drinking game we created for tomorrow's game against Rutgers!
Today, freshman offensive lineman Chance Sorrell tweeted that he didn’t leave himself much time to get to his early morning class. Franklin, ever vigilant on social media, responded with a tweet of his own, imploring the young man to kick it into high gear.
One of our staff writers recently fell in love with Rutgers. Here is his love letter to the University.
It can be kind of difficult to pay attention to the commercials during Penn State games. Between taking that much-needed bathroom break to, it can be quite the arduous task to multi-task during the game.
It's your 21st birthday, and that means you're making a trip to that little underground dive bar we know and love called the Phyrst. Here's our definitive guide to avoid getting kicked out of Penn State's favorite birthday bar on your big night.
Weis Markets, along with Purina, is holding the "Pet of the Game Photo Contest" and it's resulted in plenty of cute Penn State Dog photos.
From early dismissals to stabbings to vague alerts, we gathered some of the best and worst texts from the now non-existent PSUTXT.
In honor of the culmination of another season, we at Onward State found some parallels between Penn State and Game of Thrones.
Wondering what has the Class of 2014 been up to since graduation? Just check Twitter.
The State College Police are recruiting new officers, and they've created an entertaining and informative video about their work.
We all know that the Creamery is home to over 100 ice cream flavors, but what if campus celebrities had their own flavors?
Along with several other friends, senior Stephen Pianovich organized a tailgate outside of the Forum building because his friends Shane Green and Ryan Cusack had a final exam.
Yik Yak is Penn State's latest gossip darling and it's no surprise. Posting your own Yik Yak is a bit of a craft. Here's a helpful guide:
Overheard returns one last time this year at the Mifflin Streak.
Here at Onward State, we want the Class of 2014 to enjoy the graduation ceremony instead of it being ingrained in their memory as a brutal time commitment. Sure, listen to the graduation speeches, but here are some things for you to do to make your time sitting through commencement a bit more entertaining.