Why Iowa Sucks

24

Hello, my friends. You may wonder why I have gathered you here. On Saturday, our noble football team will enter Kinnick Stadium, located in the great American wasteland known as Iowa.

Iowa is a desolate place, where hopes and dreams go to die, sucked into a black hole of desolation. You, my lucky compadre, may not have had the misfortune of venturing into this abyss; in fact, you may harbor the deep resentment of one who has lost part of their soul in Iowa. Tread in ignorance no longer, for I will guide you through a quick informative list:

  • Have you ever driven past a farm and smelled it, and couldn’t wait for that smell to go away? Imagine that lasting an entire state.
  • Have you ever driven near an Iowan driver and lived to tell the tale? You’re one among a handful.
  • Holy shit is that state boring.
  • Iowans don’t even acknowledge this. They compare Iowa (favorably) to New York City.
  • Iowa was one of the first states to support same-sex marriage. The judges involved in that decision were promptly removed from their post, and subsequent polling reveals that most people do not support same-sex marriage.
  • Iowa is an anomaly to any preconceived notions regarding midwesterners and “nice”.
  • Just read this article, and the warm reception the writer received.
  • 2008 football.
  • 2008-09 basketball.
  • It floods every year. Coincidence?
  • Aforementioned flooding costs US taxpayers billions of dollars in federal aid
  • They may claim to be Americans, but considering that corn is driving up obesity in America, they’re closer to terrorists.
  • It’s not a lake…yet.

Comments

comments

Share.

About Author

24 Comments

  1. Sanduskynfriends on

    You have no idea lol so full of ignorance. Regardless of how you feel about Iowa Penn State is going to lose this weekend—in the awful disgusting smelly trashfilled wasteland that is Kinnick.

  2. I’m a PSU alum currently living in Iowa, and I would like to amend the article to saying that anywhere this article says Iowa, it should say Iowa City.

  3. Shame on you! Are you a Penn Stater? You have forgotten the roots of Penn State. Have you enjoyed strictly fresh ice cream from the Creamery? Where do you think it came from? Agriculture is so important. How many breakthroughs has this department made? Perhaps some of our hybrid grains are the ones growing in Iowa. Support our teams and all the important work being done in every department.

    • Hey dumbass, 90% of iowa crops are not for human consumption…for the sole purpose of ethanol fuel, which is a huge contributing factor to the current drought we are experiencing. If you think iowa is what feeds the country, maybe you should try going to states like Utah,Texas, where the REAL farmers are, where one farm has THOUSANDS of cattle… not just a small iowa handfull.

  4. Yikes, this write-up is CLEARLY sarcasm. It’s unbelievable how overly-sensitive some people are – both Penn Staters AND Iowans.

  5. Penn State Dad on

    I am brand new to the Penn State Community. Father of a freshman. I went the the Temple game, and it was fabulous. The student body was amazing. I just wanted to comment on one thing that disturbed me though, and that was when the student section started saying FU to the refs and to Temple. I think this is a time when the Penn State student body needs to show the nation that we truly care about others. We do that with THON, certainly. Can we try and stop this FU stuff? And other things like this lame satire about Iowa? Let’s face it State College doesn’t have much if anything over Iowa!!

  6. What an ugly article that was allowed to be published. And then the Penn State community wonders why no one empathizes when they whine about what happened to “our poor football program” with sanctions.

  7. Iowans brag that they are “feeding America “… bit 90% of the crops grown in iowa are used for the would purpose of ethanol. The corn Islam not for human consumption, its used for fuel and animal feed… it also has the lowest economy rating in the entire united states… due to hard headed idiocy and fear of change… if you like iowa, move to mason city iowa… you will quickly despise iowa!!!

  8. Iowa is a disgusting place to live especially if you are a minority. The people are nasty just like the roads and the weather. What a horrible place to waste your temporary life. Stuck indoors like a gerbil breathing in recyled air. I cant believe I wasted 27 years of my life in this crap. I am moving to a warmer climate where I can funtion properly. Iowa is a waste of time and life unless you are an overweight caucasion who is addicted to bacon and hating on minorities.

  9. As an Iowan I actually found this article enjoyable, particularly since this is a website dedicated to Pedophile State University. Hope you guys enjoy raping children in 2013. GO HAWKS (and I’m a Cyclone).