Why Iowa Sucks
Iowa is a desolate place, where hopes and dreams go to die, sucked into a black hole of desolation. You, my lucky compadre, may not have had the misfortune of venturing into this abyss; in fact, you may harbor the deep resentment of one who has lost part of their soul in Iowa. Tread in ignorance no longer, for I will guide you through a quick informative list:
- Have you ever driven past a farm and smelled it, and couldn’t wait for that smell to go away? Imagine that lasting an entire state.
- Have you ever driven near an Iowan driver and lived to tell the tale? You’re one among a handful.
- Holy shit is that state boring.
- Iowans don’t even acknowledge this. They compare Iowa (favorably) to New York City.
- Iowa was one of the first states to support same-sex marriage. The judges involved in that decision were promptly removed from their post, and subsequent polling reveals that most people do not support same-sex marriage.
- Iowa is an anomaly to any preconceived notions regarding midwesterners and “nice”.
- Just read this article, and the warm reception the writer received.
- 2008 football.
- 2008-09 basketball.
- It floods every year. Coincidence?
- Aforementioned flooding costs US taxpayers billions of dollars in federal aid
- They may claim to be Americans, but considering that corn is driving up obesity in America, they’re closer to terrorists.
- It’s not a lake…yet.
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About the Author
These magical, discounted windows are a tried-and-true way to spend less money on your bar excursions or justify going out on a school night.
The State College Farmers Market is a great way to take a break from the bland dining hall fare and instead #EatLocal. It’s an even better way to get to know the area surrounding campus.
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