Why Iowa Sucks
Iowa is a desolate place, where hopes and dreams go to die, sucked into a black hole of desolation. You, my lucky compadre, may not have had the misfortune of venturing into this abyss; in fact, you may harbor the deep resentment of one who has lost part of their soul in Iowa. Tread in ignorance no longer, for I will guide you through a quick informative list:
- Have you ever driven past a farm and smelled it, and couldn’t wait for that smell to go away? Imagine that lasting an entire state.
- Have you ever driven near an Iowan driver and lived to tell the tale? You’re one among a handful.
- Holy shit is that state boring.
- Iowans don’t even acknowledge this. They compare Iowa (favorably) to New York City.
- Iowa was one of the first states to support same-sex marriage. The judges involved in that decision were promptly removed from their post, and subsequent polling reveals that most people do not support same-sex marriage.
- Iowa is an anomaly to any preconceived notions regarding midwesterners and “nice”.
- Just read this article, and the warm reception the writer received.
- 2008 football.
- 2008-09 basketball.
- It floods every year. Coincidence?
- Aforementioned flooding costs US taxpayers billions of dollars in federal aid
- They may claim to be Americans, but considering that corn is driving up obesity in America, they’re closer to terrorists.
- It’s not a lake…yet.
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About the Author
We’re sorry for further exploiting your unique birthday, Charlie.
If you don’t hear “I’m Shipping Up To Boston” at least ten times this weekend, you’re doing it wrong.
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