State Patty’s Day is this weekend. The rowdy, ridiculous, “rootinest, tootinest, shootinest” binge-drinking extravaganza descends annually upon downtown State College every March, leading to unparalleled levels of debauchery.
This year, things could be quite different. For the second year in a row, Penn State has offered to pay restaurants and bars to close in a continuing effort to wipe the holiday from the calendar for good. In addition to a ban on parties by the Interfraternity Council and a no-guest policy for sorority floors, thirty-four bars and bottle shops will restrict the sale of alcohol on State Patty’s Day.
All this could turn into a recipe for a dull weekend. But if I know Penn State students (and I think I do), there is still absolutely going to be a ton of really dumb things happening all across campus and downtown.
That’s why we came up with a list of prop bets for this year’s State Patty’s Day. What’s a prop bet you ask? I’ll let Onward State co-founder Evan Kalikow explain.
“A prop bet is short for proposition bet. Basically, it’s a bet on something not commonly betted upon. For example, lots of people bet on the score of the Super Bowl, but how many people bet on how many times the winning coach will say ‘humbled’ in the post-game press conference? That’s a prop bet.”
Got it? Good. Now, before you start reporting us to the FBI, ONWARD STATE IS NOT A GAMBLING OPERATION.
Let’s begin, shall we?
1. Which song will be played the most during pre-games?
Avicii – Wake Me Up: 6-1
“Dark Horse” is currently the top played song on Spotify, so there’s a safe bet you’re going to hear it this weekend. However, my money’s on “Drunk in Love”, and here’s why: 1) It’s a drinking holiday 2) drunk hook ups sprout up faster on State Patty’s weekend than Bob Costas’ pink eye and 3) everybody adores the Carter family. Plus, how amazing would it be to see people stumbling down the sidewalk yelling about “grinding on that wood”?
2. Of all the bars that decided to close, which one will regret it the most?
Café 210 West: 7-2
The Rathskeller: 2-1
Bill Pickle’s: 6-1
The Phyrst: 9-1
Poor Café. Sure, the thousands of dollars Penn State is paying them to stay closed is a nice gesture, but think of all the business they’re losing from students who would gladly spend their parents hard-earned cash on a couple of half-priced pitchers. Just a tragedy.
3. Of visitors from other colleges, which ones are the most likely to cause the most trouble?
Indiana University of Pennsylvania: 7-1
- Penn State Altoona: 2-1
University of Pittsburgh: 4-1
Vanderbilt University: 50-1
Don’t sleep on Vandy. The “Ivy League of the South” is a terrific school with a fabulous student body, but revenge is a dish best served cold. Although Nashville, Tennessee is more than a ten-hour car ride away, there’s potential for a large contingency of students looking to trash downtown in an attempt to convince Coach Franklin he chose the wrong school.
4. Amount of money spent at Taco Bell and Chipotle, combined: OVER/UNDER $300,000
This is a tough one. I want to take the over, but $300,000 is A LOT of money for just one day of sales. Even if all 40,000 students ate at either of these fine establishments, their average order would need to amount to roughly eight dollars. That’s tough to do, especially since you get so much food for cheap. That being said, I think the allure of late night Mexican food is just too good to pass up – even if you’re sober.
5. Number of times somebody utters the phrase, “Dude, there are so many FRESHMAN out here!”: OVER/UNDER 2,500 times
This never gets old. For those who’ve reached legal drinking age and can officially hang out in bars, there is no better amusement than watching the misadventures of misbegotten youth as they try to figure out where to go. It’s like watching a documentary on Animal Planet.