Paperless tickets? A spread offense at Linebacker U?

Indeed, times are a changin’ in the Valley. With the ferocious Zips of Akron (apparently they’re kangaroos) descending on Beaver Stadium this weekend, the citizens of Paternoville held a pre-season town meeting on Monday to discuss battle tactics.

Thanks to the work of the athletic department, electrical outlets and wi-fi will be provided for those brave campers who want to live-blog their entire experience (“Waiting.” “Still waiting.” “Now drinking and waiting.”) But unfortunately, Paternoville’s spirit (and its campers spirits) isn’t enough to keep it safe from H1N1. The University will be providing a bottle of hand sanitizer to each camper.

There is some concern about the new paperless ticket system. If there is a computer malfunction at the ticket booth when an ID is swiped, that person must have their account verified to enter. If it cannot be verified, they’ll be turned over to the police.

Campers will also have a limited amount of time to tailgate before 3:30 and 8:00 games– not a lot of time, to be sure, but isn’t that what they signed up for?

This year’s week-long campouts are scheduled the Iowa and Ohio State games (though if the weather dips below freezing, camping will not be allowed). As usual, the classic forms of revelry will be out in full force for campers and the like; however, there are some pretty interesting new suggestions this year. There has been talk of a “Paternoville Ball” on Friday, September 25th. If this happens, this is probably the only black-tie event where clanging on a cowbell is totally socially acceptable.

Finally, thanks to YouTube, we have the top 12 reasons you should check Paternoville out.