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My Mother is on Facebook, SMH

My mother is what I like to refer to as a “helicopter parent.” She hovers. She nags. She calls me sixteen times a day just to make sure that I’m still breathing, to check that I’m going to class, and to find out any new dirt on my younger brother’s life. She is everything a stereotypical Jewish mother should be and it’s all out of love. But she also has a Facebook.

I promise, she really does mean well. My mom is absolutely, 100% my biggest supporter. She wished me luck on a job interview I had last Friday through her status and all of her friends liked it. She is the first person to write on my friends’ walls to tell them happy birthday because she doesn’t want to forget after a long day of work. She loves to see what I’m doing at school and comments on all of my photos. Every. Single. One. It makes sharing YouTube videos extremely easy. (Yes, my mother is obsessed with YouTube. She recently shared this Family Feud clip and claimed everyone in the Midwest is lying about the amount of weed they smoke. *Headslap*.)

There is definitely a down-side to having a parent on Facebook. I’ve had to go through the step-by-step process of  how to save a password. I’ve had to field phone calls trying to come up with a reason why Facebook “told her” I’m at Cafe on a Saturday afternoon and that I should be taking my education more seriously. Unfortunately, Susie does not appreciate day-drinking or a good weeklong. But I think the worst thing of all is that my dear mother thinks it’s absolutely okay to friend everyone. My friends. My friends’ parents. My sorority’s THON family. And she talks to all of them! She likes their statuses, she comments on their walls, she brags to them about me. The entire situation is more embarrassing than you can even imagine. Facebook is my mother’s drug of choice and she is just as disgustingly addicted as every college student I know.

To those with parents who are rookies in the Facebook department, I wish you the best of luck. Watch the clips you post, the photos you upload, and the time of number of shots you’re telling the world you pregamed with. Or at least learn the ins and outs of the Facebook privacy settings. And when all else fails, take a page out of the Abramowitz Guide to Dealing with Parents – put them on friendship probation.

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