Wanted: Escorts for Sorority Formals
April showers do not only bring May flowers, but also the stress and anxiety of finding a date for your sorority formal. Due to the lack of time and rejection from ABC, Operation: The Bachelorette Sorority Formal edition failed miserably. Now, we don’t want to stoop to the Charlie Sheen level of #winning by hiring a classy escort, so Ariel and I thought of the next best thing besides Craig’s List…OnwardState.com.
The beautifying preparations are in progress and they include but are not limited to tanning, yo-yo dieting and getting classic mani-pedi. Let’s be clear, we’re not looking for boyfriends, husbands and/or creepers. We just need dates for two (there are two of us) nights of drinking, dancing, and socializing with our fellow sorostitutes and maybe an awkward morning-after trip to the waffle shop. Mmm…waffles.
Ariel’s requirements: Applicant must be willing to match his tie to her dress, like to dance, and be capable of taking Vlad to the face.
“If you’re okay with holding my purse, taking hundreds of photos of me and my sisters, and enjoy fist pumping to Sammy Adams, we will get along swimmingly”
Date: April 2nd , 2011
Email: [email protected]
Lauren’s requirements: Applicant must be handy with a camera, enjoy watching Jersey Shore marathons, quote Mean Girls at any given time, know the lyrics to every Ke$ha song, and give me a piggyback ride when my feet start hurting.
“Don’t judge my dancing skills (the shopping cart and sprinkler included), hold my hair back, and carry gum so we’re good to go.”
Date: April 8th, 2011
Email: [email protected]
*Note: These requirements are subject to change depending on how well you woo us with your applications.
Write on boys, we’re waiting….
Please download and fill out the application, attach a photo (or link to your Facebook) and specify which one of us you want to charm the pants, well dress off of.
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