PSU news by
Penn State's student blog

Topics

About

Wanted: Escorts for Sorority Formals

April showers do not only bring May flowers, but also the stress and anxiety of finding a date for your sorority formal. Due to the lack of time and rejection from ABC, Operation: The Bachelorette Sorority Formal edition failed miserably. Now, we don’t want to stoop to the Charlie Sheen level of #winning by hiring a classy escort, so Ariel and I thought of the next best thing besides Craig’s List…OnwardState.com.

The beautifying preparations are in progress and they include but are not limited to tanning, yo-yo dieting and getting classic mani-pedi. Let’s be clear, we’re not looking for boyfriends, husbands and/or creepers. We just need dates for two (there are two of us) nights of drinking, dancing, and socializing with our fellow sorostitutes and maybe an awkward morning-after trip to the waffle shop. Mmm…waffles.

Ariel’s requirements:  Applicant must be willing to match his tie to her dress, like to dance, and be capable of taking Vlad to the face.

“If you’re okay with holding my purse, taking hundreds of photos of me and my sisters, and enjoy fist pumping to Sammy Adams, we will get along swimmingly”

Date: April 2nd , 2011

Email: [email protected]

 

Lauren’s requirements: Applicant must be handy with a camera, enjoy watching Jersey Shore marathons, quote Mean Girls at any given time, know the lyrics to every Ke$ha song, and give me a piggyback ride when my feet start hurting.

“Don’t judge my dancing skills (the shopping cart and sprinkler included), hold my hair back, and carry gum so we’re good to go.”

Date: April 8th, 2011

Email: [email protected]

*Note: These requirements are subject to change depending on how well you woo us with your applications.

Write on boys, we’re waiting….

Please download and fill out the application, attach a photo (or link to your Facebook) and specify which one of us you want to charm the pants, well dress off of.

About the Author

Comments

More by Lauren

8 Things You Need to Do to Prepare For Hanukkah

December is all about the 25 days of Christmas whether you watch Elf a million times on ABC Family or Ellen DeGeneres’ Holiday Themed 12 days of Giving. While you’re pulling a George Washington and chopping down a tree, some people are lightening Menorahs. The Jewish Holiday began Saturday at sunset and lasts till December 16th. Even if you’re not Jewish but want to surprise your friends, here are eight things that are crucial when preparing for the festivities that take place during Hannukkah.

Finance Takes the Mr. and Mrs. THON Title

Distraction of the Day: Penn State YouTube Gems

Athletics

North Dakota Interested In Playing Against Penn State Hockey In Nashville

North Dakota is working towards an agreement that will see its hockey team play against Penn State in Nashville during the 2020-21 season.

Former Cal Swimmer Says She Emailed Sandy Barbour About Sexual Harassment Claims

Max Sauve Commits To Penn State Hockey

Penn State Women’s Volleyball Releases 2018 Schedule

Penn State Hoops Alumnus Joonas Suotamo’s Journey To Becoming Chewbacca Featured On ESPN’s ‘E:60’

Student Life

Penn State Love Stories: A Chance Meeting On A Service Trip

When Abby Wilt went on a service trip to Nassau, Bahamas, she had no idea she’d meet the love of her life.

10 Questions With 2019 Class Gift Director Tom Beeby

Career Services To Launch Integrated Career Management & Recruiting Platform

Plans Submitted For New KFC In State College

Developers have submitted preliminary land development plans to build a new KFC restaurant at 1780 S. Atherton St. in State College.

State Theatre Recognized As A State College Historic Site

As it approaches the 80th anniversary of its opening, the State Theatre has been recognized as a State College historic site.

Penn State Love Stories: A Chance Meeting On A Service Trip

When Abby Wilt went on a service trip to Nassau, Bahamas, she had no idea she’d meet the love of her life.

Be the first to know

  • Top posts and the best Penn State stories

Thank you for subscribing.

Something went wrong.

10 Questions With 2019 Class Gift Director Tom Beeby

Tom Beeby will serve as the 2019 Class Gift Executive Director.

Send this to a friend