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Astronaut & Spacey: Hump Day Hip Hop

Gucci Mane (@gucci1017)

Gucci Mane is an odd, troubled dude. We all know this. From him rapping about his “all white bricks” to his insatiable need to yell out “BURRR!” whenever there is more than three seconds of silence (he may have tourette’s). So, here we are again, witnessing yet another of his antics, shaking our heads at the incredulity of his decision making abilities, laughing at his magnificent stupidity, and crying (more of a man cry) because he will always be more successful (in monetary standards) than we ever will be.

A few days ago, Gucci was arrested for (get ready for this) pushing a woman out of a moving vehicle. Here’s how it went down: Gucci Mane is in the mall, sees this bad chick, and invites her out to “breakfast.” She tags along, but while they are in the car, he smoothly offers her $150 to join him in the hotel for “undisclosed activities.” She refuses, and we all know that ain’t gucci with Gucci Mane, so out she goes, tumbling onto the pavement. This guy has failed to deliver a single song with any quality since his entrance to the game, got an ice cream cone with lightening shooting out of it tattooed on his face, and now he goes and does this. We hate to use the word, but this guy is just retarded. There are humans, there are monkeys, and then there is Gucci Mane.

Greg Falatek(@falatek610)

We’ve been following this dude’s tracks since a month back, and have not been very impressed. While his new release, Friends, still isn’t G status, he has made some improvements. If you really are trying to right your wrongs, start by picking up a book of poetry or maybe throw on some NWA. You need some more real shit to talk about than your unwarranted feeling of self worth. Plus the production sucks. Master your tracks, bro. If this dude’s music tickles your fancy, Falatek’s sophomore release “The State Gatsby” comes out on 4/20, so maybe start your smoke sessions with some Penn State pride. And remember Falatek, haters make you famous.


Stepping into the big game with fellow DMV rappers like Wale and DJ Don Juan, Logic is an up-and-coming song-smith that combines the smooth lyrical flow of old school Lupe and Atmosphere. All this dude does is win on his newest track “All I Do.” He’s not quite yet “a superhero” but with his recent appearances at SXSW with 368, this “Young, Broke and Infamous” artist is sure to make waves in the future. His sophomore release, “Young Sinatra” drops this summer.

Frank Ocean (@frank_ocean) v. Cee Lo Green (@CeeLoGreen)

Spacey: Frank Ocean is like the Justin Beiber of OFWGKTA. Some people are feeling this track and I just can’t explain why. Not only is it mad boring, but it’s like Cee Lo Green with a sore throat. Maybe some of you R&B fans out there can get into this. But if not, we got a track from the gnarly big man himself to make up for it. Who does a better job at busting a perfect track for pickin’ up broads? Cee Lo Green or Frank Ocean?

Astronaut: Let me start by saying that I really do not enjoy R&B. Yet, in this debate, I gotta give it to my Odd Future boy Frank Ocean. Cee Lo Green really is a great artist, but I just cannot stand his voice. I feel like he is trying really hard to get this weird tone to it, and I hate when vocalists do that. Frank Ocean on the other hand has some serious pipes that are sure to be a lady favorite. Plus the dude just dropped his mixtape, Nostalgia, Ultra, as well as a ridiculous collection of about 60 songs (better songs on this than the other mixtape, in my opinion). Either way, you won’t find me jammin these dudes on the daily, but if a certain situation calls for me to get my slow grind on, I will go with Frank.

What we’ve been jamming lately:

Kid Ink (@Kid_Ink)- “It’s On”

Jahlil Beats rarely disappoints in delivering a crazy beat. However, sometimes it goes to waste on rappers who lack any flow or lyrical poise. Luckily, kid Ink is on his game and kills it. Expect to be hearing this banger all Blue & White weekend.

Donnis (@DONNISXDONNIS)- “Eyes low ft. Young Dro & Gorilla Zoe”

Donnis’ past mixtapes have been song to song hit/miss for me. However, just dropping Southern Lights, the dude seems like he has finally found his niche. An album full of atmospheric beats and tight rhymes, songs like “Eyes Low’ will keep you nice and relaxed as all of your teachers begin to throw those last minute projects and papers on you.

Wiz Khalifa (@RealWizKhalifa)- “G Shyt”

A left over of Rolling Papers, we can’t help but wonder why this song, and more like it didn’t make it onto the album. Organs, horns, and a gnarly guitar solo, this chill shyt is where Wiz is at his best.

XV (@XtotheV)- “When We’re Done”

I, Astronaut, have been a huge fan of XV for awhile, and now that he is signed to Warner Bros., it is nice to see he is finally making it into the big leagues. This dude is always rapping over tight beats, full of flawless flow and witty lyricism. His new mixtape, Zero Heroes, drops on 4-XV-11.


Like always we’d love to hear from you. Haters gunna hate, but what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger. Get at us on YouTube for all of the Astronaut and Spacey suggestions archived. See you on the next level!

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About the Author

Ryan Kristobak

Hailing from Lebanon, PA, I am a senior majoring in print journalism. Things I enjoy include lovesacs, denim, mullets, Fight Milk, Jonny Moseley, and "hang in there" kitten posters. Things that bother me include "fun" sized candy bars (not fun), fish, shoobies, wet door knobs, baby leashes, and Jake Lloyd.

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