Are you feeling lonely?  Do you need a pocket-sized confidante?  Do worthless rubber novelties get your rocks off?

If you answered yes to any of these questions then the White Building can give you exactly what you need:

Sports-themed Rubber Duckies!

(Sorry for those of you thought I was alluding to free condoms.)

Here are the details…

Where: The HUB. No, the White Building, you idiot.
When: Friday. December 2nd at 9 pm.
Why: According to the Facebook Event: “It is a great thing to watch all of the conference championship games with.”

Although the White Building’s giveaway inadvertently suggests we could be lonely enough to actually watch the conference with a sports-themed Rubber Duckie, I doubt anyone is actually going to flock at the White Building to reinforce their depression. However, with a sports themed Rubber Duckie on your person, you definitely won’t have to worry about unfortunate consequences of regrettable sexual encounters. It’s universally accepted as fact that despite their obvious charm, these faux-fowl are terrible wingmen, and major cock-blocks. If you are caught partying with one of these adorable Duckies though, you should expect to be flying solo, not south this weekend.