Your THON Prop Bets Have Arrived
THON is tomorrow. Literally. That means it’s time to make some THON Prop Bets! What is a prop bet, you may ask? A prop bet is short for proposition bet. Basically, it’s a bet on something not commonly betted upon. For example, lots of people bet on the score of the Super Bowl, but how many people bet on how many times the winning coach will say “humbled” in the post-game press conference? That’s a prop bet. You can find out more on Grantland (or research it yourself. I’m not doing your homework for you).
Anyway, I have identified a few bets that can be made during THON, as well as my predictions. A few disclaimers before we begin. First, these are not Vegas-official bets or odds or anything like that. Second, I have never gambled with anything more than $10 in my life, nor have I ever made odds for bets, so this is not only a completely unscientific study, but the math probably won’t add up either. Third (this deserves extra emphasis), ONWARD STATE IS NOT A GAMBLING OPERATION AND YOU SHOULD NOT ACTUALLY PLACE BETS THROUGH US. THAT IS ILLEGAL AND IMMORAL SO DON’T DO IT.
With all of that said, let’s get into the bets, separated into three categories.
Onward State-Related Dancer Prop Bets
1. Which Onward State-related dancer will cry first, and when?
- Ally Greer: 10-1
- John Tecce: 3-1
- Caity Rogowski: 5-1
For this series of prop bets, it’s important to note that there are three members (or alumni) of the Onward State staff who will be dancing during THON. They are John Tecce (for Nittany Nation), Ally Greer (for PSMA), and alumna Caity Rogowski (for DMAIG). This first bet is pretty simple–which of these three will cry first, and when? For a while, I thought Ally was a lock for this, but I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind with her on Valentine’s Day and her eyes didn’t even get misty. She’s clearly an emotionless monster. I’m going with Tecce for this one, with his tears first spilling on the BJC floor 3 hours into THON.
2. Which Onward State-related dancer will say something delirious first, and when?
- Ally Greer: 5-1
- John Tecce: 20-1
- Caity Rogowski: 3-2
This one should be easy. Anyone who knows Rogo knows that she’s a delirious quote machine. Add sleep deprivation into the mix and you’d have to be a fool to bet for anyone else. I’m guessing she’ll say something absurd 4 hours in.
3. Which Onward State-related dancer will sleep for the longest after THON, and for how long?
- Ally Greer: 2-1
- John Tecce: 5-2
- Caity Rogowski: 15-1
Another pretty easy one. Ally has been training hard for THON weekend. She’ll probably be able to hold her own for the entirety of the 46 hours, but once she has the freedom to sleep, she’ll sleep. And sleep. And sleep. My prediction: 16 uninterrupted hours. A sidenote for this bet: Since Rogo graduated last year and has a Real Person Job, she is probably a Really Boring Real Person who can only sleep in Really Boring Real Person intervals. If she sleeps for more than 10 hours immediately following THON, I’d be surprised.
Food and Music Prop Bets
1. Which of these four songs will be played the most often during THON, and how many times?
- LMFAO – Party Rock Anthem: 3-1
- Rihanna – We Found Love: 4-1
- Adele – Rolling in the Deep: 6-1
- Whitney Houston – I Wanna Dance With Somebody: 7-2
Perhaps the hardest bet on the list. To clarify, a song counts as being played if it is either played over the BJC speakers or covered by a band. A song does NOT count as being played if it’s featured in the line dance. I think that Party Rock will remain to be in the house tonight for the foreseeable future; however, there is room for surprise. We Found Love is a certified hit with a THON weekend-appropriate message, so it could easily be played more. Can Adele ride her Grammy-waves to become the number-one-played song of the weekend? I doubt it, but you never know.
With Whitney Houston recently passing away, I Wanna Dance With Somebody will surely be played relatively often this weekend, especially since THON is, you know, a dance marathon. That said, I still think that Party Rock Anthem will come away with the win, being played 21 times over the course of THON weekend (just shy of once every two hours, on average).
2. How many fast food places will the Onward State Media Contingent order from over the course of THON weekend?
- 0-3: 11-2
- 4-10: 3-1
- 11+: 15-1
Another tricky one. Typically, the Onward State staff subsides on fruit, snacks, fruit snacks, and general miscellany from Wal-Mart or Wegman’s. However, this year, the staff has a multitude of Wings Over enthusiasts, and they may opt for tasty wings (or boneless chicken fingers) over fruit. I think there will be a healthy mix between the two, and my guess would be 8 fast food orders, or once every 5 hours and 45 minutes.
3. Which Black Eyed Peas song will Tucker Haas sing?
- Where is the Love?: 5-1
- Shut Up: 8-1
- The Time: 15-2
- Boom Boom Pow: 6-1
- My Humps: 20,000-1
- Anything Off of Behind the Front or Bridging the Gap: 7 billion-1
The smart money is on Where is the Love?, if Tucker Haas indeed debuts a new rendition of a Black Eyed Peas song. It has a good message and resonates well with the crowd. Shut Up is feasible, but, IMO, too mean. He could easily do another rendition of Boom Boom Pow, as that made him a household name in State College. Less so with The Time, but that could happen. Maybe I’ve made the My Humps odds too strong, but I really really really don’t want to hear Tucker Haas sing “Whatcha gonna do with all that ass/ all that ass inside them jeans?”
If Tucker sings anything from pre-Fergie Black Eyed Peas, I will vote for him for president in every foreseeable election from that point onward. Sadly, that will probably never happen. I’m still betting on Where Is The Love?, with maybe a tease of Boom Boom Pow.
General THON Prop Bets
1. How many times will the Bryce Jordan Center WiFi fail over the course of the weekend?
- Less than 10 times: 20-1
- 10-20 times: 5-1
- More than 20 times: 8-1
The BJC WiFi is notoriously awful and will certainly be put to the test this weekend. I’d reckon that the WiFi will crash 16 times, once every 2.875 hours. I hope I’m wrong, for everyone’s sake.
2. Which team will win Color War?
- Red: 6-1
- Green: 2-1
- Blue: 3-1
This year, they eliminated the Orange team from contention. This is sure to cause problems for the Red team, who, in years past, donated a portion of their red colors to the Orange team. That said, I think Red will come through with the upset. With newfound reserves of red colors, they will outperform Green and Blue. This is a highly-controversial call, but I’ve got a gut feeling (full disclosure: Ally Greer and John Tecce are both on the Red team. This did not influence my call, but maybe it will influence yours).
3. At what time will the Bryce Jordan Center close its doors on Sunday?
- Before 10 a.m.: 3-1
- Between 10 a.m. and 11 a.m.: 5-3
- After 11 a.m.: 70-3
Common knowledge would suggest that the doors to the BJC will close at around 10:30, and that seems like the safest bet. I’m going with my gut again on this one, though. This year especially, I have felt a lot more enthusiasm about THON on campus than in years past, and I feel like this year will have an especially emotional final four hours. I’m predicting doors closing at 9:30 in the morning. Get there early.
4. What five things will be mentioned in the line dance (besides Joe Paterno, which is a guarantee)?
No odds for this prop bet, just five predictions, followed by my guess as to how each will be incorporated into the line dance (my awful rhymes and cadence should serve as a frank reminder as to why I should never write the real line dance). Note that I have not heard this year’s line dance, nor have I gotten any insider information from anyone who has.
- Osama Bin Laden being killed. Massively important current event that resulted in a peaceful riot/celebration on campus. Locked in. “Bin Laden dead after many years/ downtown filled with students’ cheers!”
- The Earthquake. Remember that thing? It was pretty neat. I bet it’ll get mentioned. “An earthquake shook State College/ But nothing can shake our spirits.”
- Beating Iowa in football. We finally did it! “Football played/ Iowa/ Then we said/ Sayonara!”
- Kim Kardashian’s divorce. I don’t know who this person is but she sure did make people upset by getting divorced after a short amount of time! “Kim splits after 72 days/ True love is priceless, but divorce pays!”
- Dubstep. My guess: With the rise of Skrillex and other wobbly wob wob brosteppers, there will be a drop in the line dance. Maybe it will be cool. Maybe it will be awful. We’ll all find out!
That’s all I have. We’ll check in next week to see how I did. In the meantime, comment with your predictions. If your predictions are more accurate than mine, I’ll give you an Evan Kalikow Fun Dollar!
Thank you to Kevin Horne, Devon Edwards, John Tecce, and Ryan Beckler for inspiring some of these prop bets.
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About the Author
The 3/20 Coalition will host a “Justice For Black Lives” protest on Sunday, June 7.
Penn State men’s basketball transfer Sam Sessoms led a Black Lives Matter protest in his home neighborhood on Thursday.
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