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The Truth As Told By Ann Coulter

Conservative pundit, New York Times best selling author, and — according to one Penn State student — “frigid bitch,” Ann Coulter, spoke to a packed audience of mostly white students and some middle-aged locals last night to bring the College Republicans “Truth Week” to a close.

Before today’s appearance by Coulter, politically-charged chalking appeared scribbled on the steps leading up to Old Main. It read, “Not all Muslims may be terrorists, but all terrorists are Muslims,” a quote that the 50-year-old talking head, Coulter, once said while slimming her way into the conservative media market.

The night of the event, a small group of students held up signs in protest outside of the venue where Coulter was set to appear. Some signs read like “respect existence or expect resistance,” while others condemned the fact that student activity fee money was being spent to host “hate speech” on campus.

Despite the initial volatility of mixing right-wing politics with a college setting, every seat in 121 Sparks was filled. Copies of Coulter’s most recent book, Mugged, were being scrounged up like free cups at a kegger. Anticipation for Coulter was markedly high and most of the crowd admitted to being in attendance at Herman Cain‘s PSU visit on Wednesday.

College Republicans chairman, Jordan Harris, gave Coulter a stirring introduction. Those in attendance rose up in a boisterous standing ovation. After 30 seconds of awkwardly clapping and scanning the room for signs of Coulter, a noise broke out down the hall.

The group of students in protest had delayed Coulter with chants of “We Are, Not Straight” and a passive resistance of cardboard signs. Once her security found her to the podium, Coulter seemed flustered.

“They like to protest me, but without Bush in the White House, they’re not sure what they’re supposed to chant,” she bashfully joked.

To further delay and complicate the matter, Coulter ran into some microphone issues. After not being “loud enough” with one set-up and refusing to use a hand mic because — and I quote — she’s not Oprah, the technical difficulties were settled and Coulter began to defend her thesis that Republicans were less racist than Democrats.

According to her, after the acquittal of O.J. Simpson, the “white guilt” of America was washed away and black people began to be “treated like adults.” Her claim was backed by the statistics that showed Rev. Jesse Jackson received roughly 30% of the democratic vote to run as the presidential ticket in the 80’s while Al Sharpton didn’t even stand a chance in the 90’s.

But she said it was a creeping in of that “white guilt” that caused the most liberal president in history, Barack Obama, to be elected. Her proof was that the 2008 presidential election saw the most white voters for the democratic party in the last 40 years. Her conclusion was that it was all because white people felt like they owed it to their former property to vote for the 1st 1/2 black, Hawaiian, commander-in-chief.

“I have no racial animosity so I could vote for whoever,” said Coulter.

The rest of her speech was littered with similar politically flawed blabbering that ranged from the menstrual cycle of Sandra Fluke to the bashing of NFMs (or Non-Fox Media outlets) to rebuking government intervention into the economy.

“Everything that doesn’t work in America doesn’t work because of the government,” she said. “But liberals think the cure is more government. It’s like trying to sober up by having another drink. Let me tell you, that doesn’t work.”

To end the night one student in the audience, Colin Mueller, confronted Coulter on a recent tweet she had sent out that came off as extremely offensive to the LGBT community.

Coulter told Mueller that he seemed like a “nice young man,” but that he shouldn’t be like those pesky feminists and take offense to simple jokes. She also stated that her jest was confirmed to be funny by the comedians she hung out with in LA and the he was just getting all ruffled up over nothing.

After collecting his thoughts, Mueller responded, “With hundreds of thousands of LGBT youth homeless, don’t you see how that kind of makes you a frigid bitch?”

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