Overheard on West College Ave
Inebriated hilarity ensues pretty endlessly downtown. It’s easy to plop down at any drunk eatery from McDonald’s to Grillers and hear the kind of obnoxious quotes that these Overheard articles are full of. But sometimes it’s better to think outside of the box. From time to time, you have to venture outside of your comfort zone and see what you can find there.
As I took the lengthy trek all the way past Atherton to a house party on West College Avenue, I had no idea what to expect from this uncharted territory. I mean, this was a legit house — not your usual apartment or frat — and I was afraid that maybe they’d be classy and I’d end up leaving empty-handed, forced to ride the White Loop again for some quotes to keep you guys entertained.
Yeah, no. The reckless things they had to say — by which I mean shout, slur, and sing — gave me more than enough material to work with. Enjoy.
Blonde: “IT’S TIME TO TRYYYY DEFYYYYING GRAVITY!”
Brunette: “And you can’t pull me downnn–!” *slips and falls down, smacking her head on the cabinet*
Guy in a grey shirt: “Shit, something pulled her down.”
Guy in a blue shirt: “I used to see these two girls at the same time, right? I had sex with one in the morning, then got blown by the other that same afternoon. I didn’t even shower in between! It’s like she was…”
Girl in a black shirt, disgusted: “I get it, I get it.”
Guy in black sweatpants: “Yo, why you gotta dick-eat like that?”
Guy in a black shirt: “Like what?”
Guy in black sweatpants: “It’s like my dick is Skittles and you just wanna taste the rainbow.”
Guy near the cookie plate: “I have eaten–” *holds up one finger on his right hand and four fingers on his left hand* “–FOURTEEN OF THESE COOKIES.”
Guy in purple: “No way, I’ve BONGED FOURTEEN OF THESE BEERS. Get on my level!”
Girl in black boots: “Too “wild” for you? What the hell is that supposed to mean? I’m a nice girl!”
Guy in a Phillies hat: “…You tried to sell me weed lollipops last week.”
Guy in a black shirt: “Here’s a picture of him holding a dildo… Here’s one of him passed out sitting up… Here’s a video of him rapping when he was blacked out…”
Guy in purple: “Are you doubting my beer bonging skills? Don’t you fucking doubt my beer bonging skills! Dude, she’s doubting my beer bonging skills. Tell her I can bong a beer. Should I bong two at once?”
Girl in a black shirt, hesitantly: “Why don’t you do them back to back, not both at once…”
Guy in purple: “I’M DOING TWO AT ONCE.” *pours two beers in, then spills half of the beer on the ground attempting to hold up the beer bong* “See? I fucking did it! Don’t doubt me!”
Group of extremely white boys: *begin rapping Afroman’s ‘Colt 45’ at the top of their lungs*
Guy in a flannel: “Oh, fuck no. I took two bong rips and I was outta there.”
Girl without shoes: “IF YOU WANNA BE MY LOVER, YOU GOTTA GET WITH MY FRIENDS. MAKE IT LAST FOREVER FRIENDSHIP NEVER ENDDDDS!”
Guy in a hoodie, taking off his hoodie: “Shit, I forgot to wear a shirt under this.”
Guy in a grey sweater: “It’s all good.” *takes off his sweater*
Now Shirtless Guy #1: “Fuck yeah!”
Now Shirtless Guy #2: *chest bumps Now Shirtless Guy #1*
Both: *put their respective shirts back on and proceed like nothing out of the ordinary happened*
Guy in a Phillies hat: “I got dat Justin Bieber, PLEASE BELIEVE IT.”
Guy in an orange shirt: “Nah, she’s just a bitch who bitches a lot.”
Guy in purple, walking up to a guy and a girl: “Awwww, you guys! Picture! Let’s take a picture. Picture time.”
Guy and girl: *stand close together, smiling*
Guy in purple: “I… How the hell do you… There, yes, got it.” *looks at the picture* “Oh my God, dude, this is the best picture I’ve ever taken! It’s the best picture ever. So cute. Fucking frame this shit.”
Guy in mocassins: “BAMA! FUCKING BAMA! I DRINK TO BAMA! ROLLLLLLL TIIIIIIIIIDE!”
Guy in a grey shirt: “It’s less than 40 degrees out? Might as well RAGE!”
Girl in black boots: “How do you guys know each other?”
Guy in a grey shirt: “He’s the kid who jumped out of the window at the last party they had here.”
Girl in black boots: “Seriously?”
Guy in a black sweater: “Oh, yeah. Cops were here, I was out. Some guy caught me at the bottom, though.”
Your ad blocker is on.
Please choose an option below.
Purchase a Subscription!
About the Author
If you’ve been brave enough to leave your dorm or apartment, we hope you had the good sense to build a snowman.
Onward State staffer Ethan Kasales reflects on the past few years and everyone who helped make his college experience so rewarding.
Send this to a friend