PSU news by
Penn State's student blog

Topics

About

Overheard at The End Zone

As of a week ago, I was under the naive impression that The End Zone was a sports bar. It sounds like one, doesn’t it? A sports bar, maybe with a few chicks dancing on the table once in a while, “Coyote Ugly” style. I hadn’t the faintest idea what awaited me when I climbed aboard the establishment’s complimentary shuttle (commonly referred to as “the Titty Taxi”). A friendly bearded man named Bubba drove some clueless Onward Staters* and a fraternity twenty minutes off campus, and this is what we overheard.

Guy in a blue shirt, to Bubba: “What’s the worst thing you’ve seen happen at the club?”
Bubba: “Ya get guys in there, touchin’ the girls, you know, and you hafta ask ’em ta leave.”
Guy in a blue shirt: “What do you do if they touch the girls?”
Bubba: “Grab him by the head and drag his ass across the floor by his hair.”

Guy in a blue shirt, to Bubba: “What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever seen happen there?”
Bubba: “An old guy pissed himself while he was gettin’ a lap dance. Real old, too – ’bout 70 or 80.”
Guy in a blue shirt: “What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever heard someone say in [the van]?”
Bubba: “I had a buncha guys last night who wanted to get shrimps tattooed on their asses.”
Guy in a blue shirt: “WHY?”
Bubba: “I dunno, they said they all had shrimp dicks.”

Guy in a white shirt, climbing into the van: “Aw man, there’s all kinds of love stains back here.”

Girl in a black scarf: “WHY AREN’T WE AT BOOBS YET?”

Guy in a grey shirt: “Would you just jerk off already?”
Bubba: “NO JERKIN’ OFF! I have someone’s ID from your group and they gon have to clean it up if you do!”
Guy in a grey shirt: “We didn’t bring any pledges with us! Damn it!”

Girl in black boots: “Can I be in your frat?”
Guy in a hat: “You can be like the little sister.”
Girl in black boots: “What does that mean, exactly…?”
Blonde guy, alarmed: “I’m pretty sure it means they fuck you.”

Guy in a green shirt: “Have you ever squeezed a grape between your buttcheeks?”

Guy in khakis: “We pee on pledges – correction, I pee on pledges. I drink a lot of water and beer first.”

Guy in a blue shirt: *makes a Kanye reference*
Guy in a hat: “You’re in the wrong van, son, we listen to country music.”

Guy in khakis: “You girls gonna buy yourselves a dance?”
Blonde guy: “Aw yeah, they thirsty!”
Girls in question: “Dude, what the fuck?”
Blonde guy: “I’m sorry, I’m just trying to fit in.”

Guy in a green shirt: “We’re gonna get our faces covered in baby powder and glitter and shit.”

Cleavage girl: “Gross, that money is so dirty! And she put it in her mouth!”
Blonde guy: “I don’t feel like she’s that concerned.”

Girl in black boots, eyes wide: “Oh my god. Oh my god, guys, she motorboated me.”
Girl in black skirt: “I told you to expect that.”

*There is a brief intermission from the scheduled programming because there is a birthday in the crowd. A frat boy climbs on stage and all of the strippers file in behind him. They bend him over and beat him 21 times with a belt, then take turns gyrating against him, on his lap, and against one another. Happy birthday, bro!* 

Girl in purple, in regards to birthday boy’s exciting predicament: “You know he’s up there thinking ‘Grandma, Grandma, dead puppies, Grandma.'”

Girl in stripes, trying to deflect a stripper as she approaches with her naked breasts in her hands: “I-I-I’m sorry, I don’t have any money.”
Stripper: “That’s okay, hun, I like my job.” *presses the girl’s face into her cleavage*

Girl in black boots: “Her nipples are really weird.”
Guy in a blue shirt: “EVERYONE’S nipples are weird!”

Blonde guy: “I mean, she’s still wearing all of her clothes, why would I give her any money.”

Girl in stripes: “Stop it. Holy shit. Is her pubic hair shaped like a heart?”
Guy in a blue shirt: “If it is, that’s just impressive.”

Girl in a white shirt: “I really like her underwear.”
Girl in a purple shirt: “Me too!”

Blonde guy: “See, the thing is–” *stripper approaches expectantly* “Oh, right now? Okay, I’ll be polite.”

Blonde guy, to a stripper: “What’s the best part of your job?”
Stripper: “When we get to hit people. We have belts and whips and all that.”
Blonde guy: “What’s the worst part of your job?”
Stripper: “College guy douchebags.”

Guy in a blue shirt: “It doesn’t even matter what happens to her now. Like she could become the CEO of a big company, but I’ve seen her tits.”

*Thank you to all of the brave Onward Staters who assisted me in making this article hilariously horrifying.

Your ad blocker is on.

Please choose an option below.

Sign up for our e-mail newsletter:
OR
Support quality journalism:
Purchase a Subscription!

About the Author

Alicia Thomas

Alicia is a senior with majors in Print Journalism and Spanish and a minor in International Studies. Chances are that she's somewhere talking about her semester abroad or ranting about sexual assault prevention right now. She can be reached via Twitter (@aliciarthomas) or email ([email protected]).

Comments

Other posts by Alicia

15 Pieces Of Advice From A 2015 Graduate: Alicia’s Senior Column

Simply put: I would not be the person who I am today without the influence of this university, and I will be forever grateful for that. “Thou didst mold us, dear old State” has never felt truer.

OS Cribs: The Apartment You Wish Was Yours

OS Cribs: The Attic Above Cafe 210 West

Penn State, FBI Investigating Threats To University Park

Penn State issued an alert Thursday afternoon that warned of potential threats to buildings at University Park, urging the community to remain vigilant.

PSU Brew Club To Reactivate This Spring

After disbanding in 2014, the PSU Brew Club has finally been given the green light to reactivate next semester.

Send this to a friend