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Overheard at the College Ave. Taco Bell

Sometimes pizza just isn’t what you want as you stumble home from your Thirsty Thursday festivities. When a good old-fashioned slice won’t hit the spot — or when it’s too cold to even consider standing in a long line at Canyon —  Taco Bell awaits inebriated college folk and offers them a warm indoor embrace. And burritos.

Girl in teal jeggings, depressed: “He just isn’t the guy I thought he was when I met him on Twitter.”

Guy in khakis: “They were two totally different sizes.”
His friend: “They’re never the exact same size though.”
Guy in khakis: “This was different, man, I’m telling you. It was fuckin’ nuts.”
His friend: “What’s a comparison. Like, fruits?”
Guy in khakis: “I don’t know… A cantaloupe and an orange.”
His friend: “NO!”

Girl in a leopard top: “I feel like I’m cheating on Chipotle.”

Guy in a polo: “What does your tattoo say?”
Girl with an Asian tattoo: “Fuck you.”
Guy in a polo: “Really? Why would you get that?”
Girl with an Asian tattoo: “No, just fuck you.”

Girl in a blue dress: “Kyle, you REEK.”
Guy in a hoodie, defensively: “I didn’t fart!”
Girl in a blue dress: “No, like–” *she looks around, then whispers* “–weed!”
Guy in a hoodie: “Well why do you think I’m here?”

Girl in black pants: “What kind of meat goes in tacos?”
Her friend: “Shh, don’t ask.”

Girl in a purple shirt: “He’s pissed at me for having dick pics on my phone and I’m just like oh my god I didn’t ask for this.”

Girl in jeans, whining: “The line’s so long. Can we go? I’m just going to throw this up in like an hour.”
Her friend: “Then you don’t have to worry about the calories!”
Girl in jeans: “Then I’m getting two.”

Drunk girl in heels: “‘Scuse me. Helloooo, ‘scuse me? Do you have a dollar?”
The guy behind her: “No, sorry.”
Drunk girl in heels, dejectedly: “Oh… Okay then.” *Leaves line*
The guy behind her: *waits until she’s gone, then orders and pays with lots of dollars*

Girl in a black dress: “How is she even walking in those?”
Girl in very high heels: *falls down and stays on the ground*
Girl in a red shirt: “Well she isn’t now.”

Guy in a white shirt: “This is like paying to get diarrhea.”
His friend: “Shut up. Eat your taco.”

Guy in a Penn State crewneck: “You sing along to Miley or you get the fuck out!”

Girl in a white dress: “Julie, you have to be sober in here, okay?”
Drunk girl: “But I’m drunk.”
Girl in a white dress: “That’s why I’m telling you to be sober.”
Drunk girl, insistent: “But I’m drunk.”
Girl in a white dress: “Jesus. Just don’t talk, okay?”

Girl in jeans: “He was all teeth and spit and it wasn’t any fun.”

Guy in tight jeans, walking toward his friends: “We have to leave. Now.”
Girl in a NorthFace: “Why? What did you do in the bathroom?”

Girl in boots: “Come on, just pick something. We’re holding up the line.”
Her friend: “Grilled cheese.”
Girl in boots: “How about a taco?”
Her friend: “Just cheese.”

Girl in a leather jacket: *walks up and orders in Spanish*
Guy behind the counter: “Uh… I don’t speak Spanish.”
Girl in a leather jacket: *throws her hands up in the air and walks away*

Guy in a t-shirt: “What, he thinks he’s too good for Vladimir?”

Guy in a blue shirt: *staring at his friend in a button-down silently*
His friend in the button-down: “What?”
Guy in a blue shirt: “Sorry, I just really want to ball tap you.”
His friend in the button-down: *covers his crotch and turns away*

Girl in a grey shirt: “Her boob’s about to pop out! Hold on, I gotta go help her.”
Guy in a Penn State shirt, grabbing her arm: “Are you crazy!? Just let it happen!”

Guy in a red shirt: “Hot, mild, or fire sauce?”
His friend: “Whatever, dude, it’s your asshole.”

About the Author

Alicia Thomas

Alicia is a senior with majors in Print Journalism and Spanish and a minor in International Studies. Chances are that she's somewhere talking about her semester abroad or ranting about sexual assault prevention right now. She can be reached via Twitter (@aliciarthomas) or email ([email protected]).


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