If you haven’t heard the song enough to sing along to the oh-so-catchy, high quality commercial that is “24/7 get your gear, Penn State Clothes dot com…The Family Clothesline!” you probably don’t own enough Penn State clothing or watch enough television. There’s no problem with the latter, considering I’m much more into Netflix than Comcast myself, but if you don’t own certain Penn State clothing items, it is inevitable that you will one day face a catastrophic deficit in your dresser/closet during your time in Happy Valley.

The following is a completely accurate, nonjudgmental composition of clothing items that are “So State.”

The Neon PSU Tank

photo via pennstateclothes.com

Daylongs, Arts Fest, the gym, and even THON would not be complete without the bright colored tank tops on both the male and female population at Penn State. Suns out, guns out, ladies and gents.

The THON T-Shirt

photo via store.thon.org

This can be a committee t-shirt, an organization’s t-shirt, the 100 Days Til’ THON shirt, the logo of this year’s THON, or just your plain and simple FTK navy blue t-shirt. Sure, you may not be directly involved in THON, but surely you know someone who is.

The Penn State Football T-Shirt

photo via pennstateclothes.com

Ideally, a Penn State football jersey is the way to go, but those can get pricey. A t-shirt in the stands will do just fine.

The Plain White Tee, Ready for Destruction

photo via hercampus.com

No, I’m not talking “Hey There Delilah” gone awfully wrong. A plain white t-shirt is the most versatile item of clothing a Penn Stater can own. Wear it to sleep, wear it to class, wear it to a white out game, and wear it to a black light party. Hey, you probably purchased it at McLanahan’s out of a 6 pack of shirts anyway, so who cares if a fine mixture of beer and highlighter get smudged on it.

The Kelly Green T-Shirt

I heard kelly green is the color to wear during one particular weekend in State College. This may sound radical, but bear with me: take that kelly green t-shirt, and imagine it with the words “State Patty’s Day” written across the chest. Maybe this isn’t your sort of thing, and that’s just fine. You do you. However, if you’re like me and like to celebrate your Irish heritage or lack thereof with a nice pint of Natty Guinness, you’ll want that green t-shirt handy in your closet come late February.

The Penn State (Enter Sport or Type of Person in All Caps within the Ellipse) Shirt

photo via pennstateclothes.com

Grandparents, Alumni, Parents, and all varsity athletic teams are fortunately represented by the most basic of basic Penn State t-shirts sold at the Family Clothesline. Some Penn State types of people I’d like to see represented on these shirts in the future include: Penn State friend, Penn State hopeful, Penn State Extended Family, and Penn State student.

These six t-shirts won’t last you a week without washing, but combined with your already stellar closet full of clothing, there should be no hesitation as to which shirt to wear when the occasion rises.

The Penn State Truther T-Shirt

You won’t move on until “we know the truth,” and you’re not afraid to show it. You’re still incredibly angry about everything that happened in 2011, and you won’t rest until the key players are brought to justice. What a better way to display your outrage at Louis Freeh/Mark Emmert/President Erickson/John Surma/the media/anyone-who-has-ever-assigned-slight-culpability-to-Penn State-on-Twitter than your very own 409 t-shirt? Perfect for March for Truth rallies or Board of Trustees public comment sessions.