Perhaps the most disappointing thing about tomorrow’s game against Rutgers is that it’s not at Penn State. The game has been hyped to unseen proportions this past week, and it’s a little less fun that we all have to watch the game on TV instead of at Beaver Stadium. Regardless, we here at Onward State plan to make the most out of our Saturday.

With that in mind, here is the drinking game we have created for tomorrow’s game:

Right after the opening kickoff, shotgun a beer. Rutgers is now officially in the Big Ten.

Take a drink if the announcers say any variations of the following:

• “Did you know that this is Rutgers’ first Big Ten game?”
• “James Franklin is destroying recruiting, especially in New Jersey.”
• “Did you know that Rutgers played in the first ever college football game?”
• “This is almost like a home game for Penn State.”
• “You know, I could see Rutgers becoming Penn State’s biggest rival.”
• “This is the by far the biggest game in Rutgers’ history.”

If Rutgers quarterback Gary Nova throws an interception, laugh, then take a drink.

Anytime Penn State lines up in the Wildcat formation, take a drink.

If either Bill Belton or Zach Zwinak throw a pass, weep openly and finish your drink.

If the announcers list any of the following players as “breakout candidates”…

• DaeSean Hamilton
• Geno Lewis
• Anthony Zettel
• Brandon Bell
• Mike Gesicki

… Take a drink.

Drink for 2.98 seconds if anyone mentions that the bowl ban/scholarship restrictions were dropped this week…

And drink for 4.09 seconds if anyone mentions that Joe Paterno’s wins were not reinstated. Be sure to pour one out for Joe, too.

If Hackenberg breaks the single game passing record AGAIN, finish your drink.

If anyone mentions that Bill O’Brien left Penn State to head to the NFL, take a drink.

If at any point during the game there is a graphic that shows all the Penn State players from New Jersey, take a drink.

If Rutgers scores a touchdown, finish your drink.

If Penn State scores a touchdown, finish your driHAHAHA just kidding. We’re not trying to kill you here.

If Hackenberg is spotted yelling “I don’t know what the fuck we’re doing” into the phone, CHUG EVERYTHING IN SIGHT AND THROW YOUR REMOTE AT THE TV AHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Enjoy the game! And drink carefully, you bunch of drunks.