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Overheard on the White Loop (Again)

This week’s Overheard post happened so organically, so unexpectedly, so serendipitously, that it reminded me why I came up with the idea for the Overheard series in the first place.

I climbed aboard the White Loop with every intention of going back to my apartment, changing, and going out to find the quotes to create this week’s Overheard post. Instead, to my surprise, the quotes found me on that very bus. And that’s the whole premise of the Overheard series.

We’ve all overheard obnoxious drunk people spouting ridiculous comments to one another and giggled at their inebriated hilarity. You know you’ve been there. Maybe you told your roommate about that comment when you got home. Maybe you texted it to a couple of friends. Hell, maybe it was so funny that you tweeted it for the whole world to see. It’s an experience we can all relate to, which is what makes this series so fun to write.

I know, I know, we’ve done Overheard on the White Loop before. But when the quotes call, you answer. I bring you: Overheard on the White Loop (Again).

Tall guy in shorts: “White Loop! My chariot! My valiant savior on a white steed! My fairy godmother did it! You’re here!”

Guy coming from the football game: “Oh thank god, it’s empty. I’m going to get a seat! I haven’t sat down in years!”

Guy in a white shirt: “Show me your tits, I’m desperate!”

Guy with brown hair: “Oh, we’re at East! I can relive my glory days.”
His friend, dead-pan: “Oh, we’re at East. I can relive my STD days.”

Girl shooting the drunkards dirty looks, to a friend: “I mean, like, if I can handle my alcohol, then why can’t you?”

Guy in the back of the bus: “Hey, kid in the ‘U Wanna Hook Up’ shirt! We still know you! Even though you’re up there all alone without us, you’re still an embarrassment.”

Guy in blue shorts: “Whatever, I still like girls, so it doesn’t matter.”

Guy singing loudly: “Bitches love Cuomo, they’re real homo! Bitches love Cuomo… It’s okay if you’re a homo…”

Particularly vocal drunk guy: “No one is even sitting with me or anything. Do I smell?”

Guy leaning over a girl he does not know to scream out the window: “HEYYYYY TURDS! WE ARE! PENN STATE!”

Guy talking like the high kid from A Goofy Movie: “YoooOOo! We’ve got a VIIIolent duhRIIIIver right noOOOwwwww… I gotta hold twOOOoo poles just to stay UUUuuupright…!”

Sunburnt guy: “I’m so fucking hungry.”
His friend: “Are you hungry?”
Sunburnt guy: “No, not for Are U Hungry?… Maybe Five Guys.”

Guy in jeans: “Mmm. I love G-strinnnnngsss.”

Guy doing pull-ups on the handrails: “Yo I’m gettin’ SWOLLLLLLLL!”

Particularly vocal drunk guy: “It’s 8:37 and I haven’t jerked off yet today… Fuck everything.”
His friend: “It’s 8:38 and I didn’t even roofie any girls yet, I’m pissed.”

Guy in a white sweatshirt: “Yo, go to the back of the bus.”
His friend: “Stop making Rosa Parks references, that’s real fucked up. There’s a black girl up front.”

Annoyed girl, dead-pan: “You’ve got no friends on this bus right now.”

Guy in cargo shorts: “No one can control me! I’m UNCONTROLLABLE!”

Observant girl, to the guy climbing the handrails: “You’re like a monkey right now, climbing all over things.”
Guy climbing handrails: “Yo, that’s racist!”
His friend: “Yo, did you just call our half-black friend a monkey? That’s racist!”
Observant girl: “NO! Okay, you’re like a… What else climbs? A koala?”
Guy climbing handrails: “Yo, I heard that koala bears spend like… 98 percent of their day eating food… Eucalaysha leaves.”
Observant girl: “Eucalyptus leaves.”
Guy climbing handrails: “Yeah, eucalyptus leaves.”

Guy wearing sunglasses at night: “I wear my sunglasses at night. That’s not a problem, RIGHT?”

Ridiculous guy doing flips on the handrails, cheering himself on: “BUS FLIP! BUS FLIP! BUS FLIP!”
Girl next to him, to her friend, assumedly sarcastically: “Should I ask him out?”

Guy in a white shirt: “You look like Zero from Holes. I don’t care what you have to say, Hector Zeroni all around here and I don’t give a fuck.”
Zero from Holes: “Just because I got my sunhat and my shades on? I don’t look like Hector Zeroni! If it wasn’t for you, Stanley Yelnats…”
Zero’s friend: “Yo, that’s unoriginal as fuck, he’s heard that like three times today.”
Zero, to White Shirt: “Yeah! Fuck you, Stanley Yelnats!”

Clearly drunk guy: “Oh, we’re stopping at Pattee? Can’t wait to get my study on!”

White guy: “There are so many white people on this bus, I’m so pissed.”

Annoyed girl: “This is the longest bus ride of my life.”

About the Author

Alicia Thomas

Alicia is a senior with majors in Print Journalism and Spanish and a minor in International Studies. Chances are that she's somewhere talking about her semester abroad or ranting about sexual assault prevention right now. She can be reached via Twitter (@aliciarthomas) or email ([email protected]).

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