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The Most Random Penn State Shit Available on eBay

Have you ever wondered about all of the weird Penn State-related stuff on eBay, and asked yourself how you can get it?

Even though your answer was no, here’s a glimpse into the weird world of our official-ish merchandise found throughout the popular auction site:

Football Hat

football hat

Here’s our first winner. Finally, we can stop having those flashy, overproduced fashion shows. The pinnacle of fashion is here in all of its rigid, leathery glory. Not a fan of the shirt, though.

Seat Belt Covers and Acrylic Window Thermometer


These items’ main uses aren’t for convenience in a car, they’re for showing everyone else the driver’s insatiable desire to own any random thing with the Nittany Lion on it.

Mr. Potato Head

mr potato head

THIS IS IT. This is the product we all want, the product we all need. It has the perfect blend of ridiculousness, uselessness, innocence, and unavoidable charm. The more I think about it, the more I can’t believe these aren’t complimentary in the dorms.


bling bling sexy shirt

A regular old navy t-shirt isn’t incredibly exciting, but when it’s named the “BLING BLING SEXY SHORT SLEEVE SHIRT,” it certainly grabbed my attention. This is a good example of the “forget marketability, let’s just slap ‘sexy’ in there” advertising technique.

Penn State Troll Doll

troll doll

At the time of writing, this item is only up for sale for 20 more hours. But how could we not include it, it’s completely fucking terrifying.

Dog Jersey

dog jersey

Animals in clothes are always good for some laughs. I’m a sucker for dogs in say, Batman costumes, but showing some love for the Nittany Lions is awesome too.

“Disney Penn State Figure”

disney penn state figure

I’m pretty sure this thing just won a Grammy.

Joe Paterno Doll

joe pa doll

If this wasn’t specifically noted as a Joe Paterno doll and emblazoned with a Penn State logo, I would have guessed this was Tommy Lee Jones. Either way, it’s kinda cute and kinda badass, like this little guy.

Penn State Box


It’s a box. A box that’s slightly taller than a shoebox, and has “WE ARE PENN STATE” and paw prints plastered all over it. I imagine unwrapping it and taking it out of its own box would be just like one of those old, weird-ass Russian babushka dolls. Those things creep the hell out of me.

Old, weird-ass Russian Babushka Dolls

stacking dolls

Damn it.

About the Author

Doug Leeson

Doug is a sophomore and Onward State's Assistant Managing Editor. Dislikes: popcorn, Rutgers, and a low #TimberCount. Likes: "Frozen," Rec Hall, and you. Contact him via email at [email protected] or on Twitter @DougLeeson.


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10 Questions With 2019 Class Gift Director Tom Beeby

Tom Beeby will serve as the 2019 Class Gift Executive Director.

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