Found At The Goodwill: Halloween Edition
It’s the Thursday before Halloweekend, which means you might be in crisis mode. Even though the actual holiday isn’t until tomorrow, most of our celebrations of the spookiest time of year start tonight. Now Halloweekend, as many of you know, has some very specific rules:
- You need to dress up all three (or four, or five) nights.
- You cannot — I repeat, cannot — wear the same costume twice.
- Your costumes have to be creative. Wearing your everyday digs and telling people you’re dressed as a “procrastinator” isn’t going to cut it here, folks.
Though some people have been tirelessly toiling over their costumes for weeks, some of us just haven’t gotten around to creating world-class get-ups yet. There is hope for all of you last-minute Halloweekenders.
The State College Goodwill is home to some of the most, uh, unique costumes on the market. You already know that Goodwill is an oddity treasure trove, but Halloween takes the store to a whole new level.
Some dedicated Onward State journalists set out to discover the crown jewels of the Goodwill Halloween collection and were not disappointed.
This dress could serve as a variety of disguises. You could be boring and just be a snake. You could be a modern day Cleopatra. Perhaps even a snakeskin boot? The possibilities are endless, people.
Ah, the classic clown. This costume was obviously handmade, so the original owner must have really loved circus performers. I’m one of those people who is plain creeped out by clowns, so the only way I could justify this costume is if it was used to create the tear-inducing scary clown from American Horror Story or perhaps even Stephen King’s It.
The ’80’s are back at the State College Goodwill. This teal number was one of the many prom dress nightmares haunting the store. I suppose you could try to find an equally atrocious suit for your gentleman friend and be an awkward prom couple.
What is Halloween without a little gore? The noose attached by Velcro really makes this ensemble. It’s like the classic “ex-wife” meets Arthur Miller’s The Crucible.
This outfit is a steal at only $5.99. So for just under six dollars, you can have someone’s “Oh shit, Halloween is tomorrow?!” costume. Because yes, those are duct tape stripes.
If you’re feeling totally rad, these two ensembles are for you. The colors are so out of this world that the polyester still reeks of the chicks that were too groovy for antiperspirant.
Luke, I am your father. That is all.
The photo doesn’t do this costume justice. The abs are just out of this world. This piece of fabric is so ripped that the abs are literally bulging out of it, much like a pregnant belly. Do you even lift, bro?
The State College Goodwill is home to many adorable child-sized costumes, but that didn’t stop our lovely model Hailey from attempting to squeeze into them. You can see how that worked out.
This mask didn’t stay on for too long. Though adorable, this throwback to 2012 was also home to some particularly noxious fumes. So thanks, but no thanks.
Thanks to my ever-beautiful and gluten-free model, Hailey Rohn, for braving through some smelly, old, used costumes for this post.
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All in all, it’s important to remember that there’s really no such thing as bad dancer mail.
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