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The Official Penn State vs. Illinois Drinking Game

The worst thing about away games is just that: They’re away. Nothing compares to a game in Beaver Stadium, and it’s always a little less fun when we all have to watch the game on TV instead of with 107,000 of our friends.

Regardless, we here at Onward State plan to make the most out of our Saturday. With that in mind, here is the drinking game we have created for today’s game against Illinois:

Buy a bottle of Andre before the game, and every time the announcers say “Champaign”, take a drink.

If Matt Millen shows incredible sanctimony or talks about Joe Paterno during the broadcast, take a shot of Old Grand-Dad whiskey.

Take a shot for each student in the Illinois student section. (Spoiler alert: You’ll probably still be sober.)

If the announcers talk about Tim Beckman recruiting Penn State’s players in 2012, laugh, laugh some more, cheers to Michael Mauti and Mike Zordich, and drink for 4.2 seconds.

Every time James Franklin yells at a #B1G ref, take a drink.

If you actually made the trip to Illinois, chug until you aren’t sure where you are anymore.

If Illinois QB Wes Lunt’s relationship with James Franklin is mentioned, take a drink.

Any time Penn State lines up in the Wildcat formation, take a drink.

Every time Christian Hackenberg is sacked, shed a single tear and drink.

Drink for 2.98 seconds if anyone mentions that the bowl ban/scholarship restrictions were dropped…

And drink for 4.09 seconds if anyone mentions that Joe Paterno’s wins were not reinstated. Be sure to pour one out for Joe, too.

If Illinois scores a touchdown, chug your drink.

If Penn State loses, drink whatever you have left. If Illinois loses, drink Tim Beckman’s tears.

Enjoy the game! And drink carefully, you bunch of drunks.

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About the Author

Alex Robinson

Alex Robinson was Onward State's Acting Managing Editor/Resident Old Man. He lived in Harrisburg almost his whole life, but he says he's from California -- where he was born -- because that's more fun. He loves cats and Chinese food, but only separately. He met both Ben Affleck and Kanye West within a half hour, so the three of them are basically best friends. If you want to hear his #scorching #hot #takes, you can follow him at @ARobinsonPSU or email him at [email protected]

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