8 Shittiest Things About the Beginning of Spring Semester

Spring semester always has an air of suck to it. For all the wonders that come alongside THON, daylong season, and the promise of warm weather, it is decidedly the less-preferred semester for a number of reasons. We’ll detail them here, and you can tell us in the comments if you agree or if there are more shitty things that we missed.

1. Weather

State College’s weather sucks ass in the winter. There is no debating this. Sure, everyone loves snow. But when it’s accompanied by single digit temperatures, with the frigid air bitch-slapping you in the face in the morning as a reminder that you could’ve gone to Miami, it’s miserable. If Penn State had Southern California’s weather, we’d be the most popular school on the planet. Until we figure out how to create the greatest tectonic shift in history (or put a dome over State College), you’ll continue freezing to death in line at the Gaff.

2. Impending Doom of Graduation

“This is my last [insert thing you loved about college here]” is a signature line of the downtrodden senior. The G Word is coming, regardless of how little you want to believe it. As someone about to graduate and go to law school, my apprehension for the real world is a bit delayed — but it is obvious among my friends (and anyone else’s). Nobody really wants to leave Penn State, even if they’re ready. So you drink to excess, relive your glory days, and try to forget that you’ll soon be a lame adult who pays bills and stuff. I’m so sorry.

3. No Football

I love Penn State basketball more than any rational human being should, but between the heartbreak and the lack of energy in the BJC (come on out folks, it’s a fun team!), it simply doesn’t make up for the thrill of #107kStrong in Beaver Stadium. Penn State is a football school, regardless of how badly I’d like it to be a baseball and soccer school. That environment is untouchable, and the hole in your Saturdays gets filled with sleep and Irving’s breakfast specials instead of pigskin and beer. It just isn’t the same.

4. Your Friends are Abroad

As someone who only did summer study abroad, my jealousy here is palpable. Especially for juniors, a bunch of people you’ve spent the last few years of your life with suddenly catch a flight to Florence or Prague and leave you in the dust. You’ll keep up with them on Snapchat and Instagram and you’ll even download Viber to call them, but realistically you want to punch them in the face for getting all of these awesome worldly adventures in. You want them home, but really you want to get to be there instead. Those jerks.

5. Syllabus Week Hangover

You skipped all of your classes, forgot to take the quiz to unlock a folder, and don’t even know where the hell Forest Resources Building is, let alone what class you have in it. You wake up the Monday following Sylly week in a daze. You came back to State and raged for a week (unless you’re a science or engineering student) and remembered how much you love it here. Then you realized that you actually have to set your alarm and go to class again. The extended drunken vacation that is this week of debauchery leads into tougher classes, adjustments to a new schedule and professors, and a pretty gnarly hangover.

6. Everyone’s 21…Except for You

If you have a late birthday, spring semester sucks extra hard. You’re happy to celebrate your friends’ 21st birthdays, obviously. But secretly, you writhe with jealousy. When they leave the pregame and head to the Phyrst, you go home and contemplate why life gave you the short end of the stick when it came to the age/grade game. Whenever they pick up a new six pack of craft beer at the Hop Shop or ditch you to down pitchers at Cafe, you understand. But you also curse their names under your breathe, eagerly awaiting the day you can hand your ID to the Mad Mex bouncer on a Monday night.

7. State Patty’s Day

The vast majority of those left on campus never experienced a true State Patty’s Day disaster. It involved lots of green, horrible blackouts, and loads of public drunkenness arrests. It’s mostly a relic now. Soon, Thaw and other initiatives will put it to bed, but for now, people are still clinging to this fake holiday. The bars won’t be paid to close, but you can bet the police presence will still be strong. Plenty of your friends will want to come up for this weekend, but don’t let them — State Patty’s is a bust, and one that will probably end with you getting in trouble. State Patty’s is PSU’s answer to New Year’s Eve: overly hyped, not that fun in the end, and a brutal hangover the next day. Not worth it.

8. Weather, Again

Human beings weren’t meant to live like this. The only time you will ever pity kids at Michigan and envy those at Tampa is when you step off the White Loop and into the frozen tundra. State College winters are why man invented fire and delivery food. They bring out the worst in everyone, and that new North Face wasn’t cheap. Damn you, Arctic blasts.

What else blows about spring semester? Let us know in the comments, and we will empathize with you. Trust us, we know how bad it sucks. Just remember, for all the downsides, at least there’s THON and daylong season. We’ll get through this together.

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About the Author

Noel Purcell

Noel Purcell is Onward State's Features Editor. He's a senior Supply Chain major, but is going to law school at some point in the future and masquerades as a writer for now. He continues to disappoint his ancestors by being a complete Irish stereotype. His email is [email protected] because there were no other Noels before him. His ex-wife got the good half of his bio in the divorce settlement.

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