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The Worst Of Goodwill’s Halloween Costumes

Halloweekend is upon us at last, Penn State. One of fall’s biggest weekends is finally here, and Penn State takes this spooky holiday extremely seriously. So seriously, in fact, that we dedicate three whole days to dressing up in silly costumes, eating massive amounts of candy, and scaring each other to no end. And while this eery extravaganza is a blast, it does present one very important issue: three nights of Halloween means three costumes.

Now, you could wear the same Halloween costume each night this weekend, but be prepared to face harsh criticism from your peers. Because while your pizza rat costume will seem topical and trendy at first, by Saturday night it’s old news. It’s far safer to just prepare three costumes.

I know, I know; three costumes is probably three times more than you were planning on spending this Halloween. Never fear though — the holiday’s celebrations don’t have to break the bank! No, there are plenty of affordable costume options, especially in State College. Take, for instance, Goodwill.

Goodwill pulls out all the stops for Halloween. Practically the entire store is dedicated to the holiday, with the entire back wall comprised of used costumes. While some of these costumes are perfect, others, well, leave something to be desired. We compiled some of Goodwill’s most horrendous Halloween costumes. Enjoy!

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The classic baseball hat wasn’t enough for this costume designer. No, they felt it was in their artistic divine calling to add hair to this cap. And not just any hair: slightly frayed, fully frizzy, and most definitely chewed-on-and-spit-out-by-a-cat hair.

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They say it’s never too early for Christmas, right? So why not deck the halls this Halloween with a little cheer from jolly old Saint Nick! Except it looks like this Santa stopped by the End Zone before he made his way to State College for the weekend. Or maybe he was trying to pay homage to the Mean Girls holiday scene by spicing up the traditional holiday cheer.

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This cape appears to be a simple black piece of fabric, right? Well, look again. This cape actually has a ruffled collar attached to it for extra spookiness. So instead of being a basic vampire, you can be one with a little extra pizzazz. But hands down, the worst part about the cape was the loose thread that was hanging off the hem. It kept sticking to me, and actually caused me to trip while putting this costume back on the rack. So you’ve been warned — this cape might be cursed.

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Are they earmuffs? Are they a wig? Are they the jankiest costume piece you’ll see this Halloween season? Yes to all three. I think the best costume idea for these Leia earmuffs is “Princess Leia, The Morning After.” To complete this costume, you’ll need to find a white dress that’s just a hair too short. Smear around your eye makeup a little bit, grab a bottle of this galaxy’s finest fire-water, and you’re set to go.

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These are chaps, if you couldn’t tell by the photo. And though these pant-accessories are pretty high-quality, do you really want to buy second-hand chaps? From Goodwill? Think of how many thighs these puppies have rubbed against.

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Do you bleed Penn State blue and white? Then is this the costume for you. You could be a Nittany Lion suffragete, or an old-timey Penn State Cheerleader. But be warned — this dress is just as cursed as the cape. The dress was actually taller than I was, and the fabric caused me slip and fall right in the middle of Goodwill’s storefront. So though this dress screams Penn State spirit, other, far eviler, spirits might call it home too.

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This scrubs shirt was so out of place among the second-hand costumes in Goodwill. While there were gory masks and witch hats galore, this shirt was by far the least frightening thing on the racks. If you really wanted, your costume could be a nurse that is dressing up for Halloween. But that’s far too meta, and far too confused; maybe you should just stick with being Donald Trump this weekend.

Make Halloweekend great again, Penn State!

About the Author

Anna Foley

Anna is a senior majoring in Communication Arts & Sciences and Spanish with a minor in Theatre. Yes, she went to Spain. Follow her half-funny thoughts @exfoleyator and send her chain emails at [email protected]

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