The only thing more romantic than an anonymous secret admirer is one with a strong Twitter game.

In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, we decided to peruse the legendary @PSU_Crush Twitter for the best declarations of Penn State love. We found everything from sweet to creepy, a lot of lust for the hockey team, and a few cases of the ex.

If your 140-character love ballad made the cut, I don’t know whether to say “sorry” or ‘you’re welcome.”

“The Irving’s boy who sold me a muffin when we didn’t know it was lemon… I gave you exact change but I should have given you my number”

— Penn State Crushes (@PSU_Crush) April 15, 2015

This admirer somehow turned a puzzling interaction with a cashier into a smooth pick-up line. Props.         

“My ex girlfriend…” — Penn State Crushes (@PSU_Crush) February 4, 2015

Better in an anonymous tweet than in a late night drunk text.

“Luke Proudfoot: Are you from Japan, cause I want to get into your Japanties.”

— Penn State Crushes (@PSU_Crush) December 26, 2014

I don’t know who Luke Proudfoot is, but I hope he really is from Japan.          

“Liam from Pugh street, you look like a leprechaun. But baby I want you to get in this pot of gold” — Penn State Crushes (@PSU_Crush) February 13, 2015

Backhanded pickup lines: risky and usually ineffective.

“Does anyone know the name of the waitress named Nicole at hiway pizza on atherton?! She is so perfect I would wife her in a second”

— Penn State Crushes (@PSU_Crush) December 27, 2014

I’m not sure, but I think her name is Nicole.

“To the girl who threw a Mcdonald and Ford sign at my face walking to the debate you are gorgeous and I hope I run into you again” — Penn State Crushes (@PSU_Crush) March 31, 2015

This seems like it’s off to a great start.

“David Glen, Max Gardiner, and Matt Skoff are the three hottest players on the hockey team. Hopefully one day we will meet”

— Penn State Crushes (@PSU_Crush) November 12, 2015

All of you at once?        

“Volleyball’s Laura Broerman is cuteness personified… I just want to put her in my shirt pocket and protect her from the world.” — Penn State Crushes (@PSU_Crush) December 23, 2014

Laura Broerman: If you’re reading this, run far away.

“Casey Guernsey, do you work at mixed greens? Because you should toss my salad.”

— Penn State Crushes (@PSU_Crush) November 10, 2015

Nice.        

“Katelyn Dandrea, the way you bite pokey sticks drives me crazy” — Penn State Crushes (@PSU_Crush) September 9, 2014

Husband this secret admirer up, Katelyn.

“sara civian how tall are you anyway”

— Penn State Crushes (@PSU_Crush) September 24, 2014

I’m a hearty 5’2 and sufficiently creeped out.