Inside the Craziest THON Fundraiser of the Year
Alpha Sigma Alpha, Lamda Chi Alpha, and former Bachelor contestants are truly Believing Beyond Boundaries this year. In lieu of canning, THON volunteers are had to get creative with fundraising this year, and The Biggest Group Date Ever was no exception.
More than 400 women showed up to The Ainsworth in New York City ready to bid on humans FTK. Gawker and Cosmopolitan were both inside the event, and portrayed a scene perhaps different than any other THON fundraiser. The event featured former Bachelor contestants — yes, the reality TV show — who were available to the highest bidder.
Eventually, the war came down to the ringleader and another woman who was obscured from our view by the crowd. With a shit-eating grin on his face, Nick V. watched the two bid all the way up to $5000, and then he whispered something in Jared’s ear.
“Nick wants me to tell you that whoever wins this will get Fantasy Suite time with him!” Jared yelled. The ringleader’s friends yelped uncontrollably next to us. “DO IT!!!” they implored her.
On The Bachelor, “Fantasy Suite time” means fucking.
“Also, I’ve seen him naked, and I know, Nick has an 11-inch penis!” Jared added.
We didn’t have time to consider the curiousness of this statement. KK and I grabbed each other’s hands. The ringleader bid $5300. Then the other woman bid $5600.
“Do I hear $5700?” Jared asked, and the ringleader covered her face with her hands.
“DO IT!!!” her friends screamed.
Everyone in the room was screaming, including KK. “DON’T DO IT!!!” she cried.
The ringleader hung her head. She did not make a bid, and Nick V. went to the other woman for $5600. I cannot say for sure if she got her Fantasy Suite time.
A lucky (?) lady who clearly Believes Beyond Boundaries paid $5,600 for a 30 minute “one-on-one date” in the VIP section with Nick Viall.
Yeah, not your typical canning trip.
Here’s more on the spectacle from Cosmopolitan:
The Bachelor auction mostly involved everyone making sure women weren’t forcing up their friends’ hands as a prank. (“She has to raise that herself,” both Nick and Jared insisted, multiple times.) Ben went for $1,200, Jared for $1,150, both Joshes for $750, and JJ garnered $700. Michael G was headed that way until he grabbed the mic and started talking about his new puppy, at which point a brunette in black toward the back of the packed room stood up on a chair and swore she would bid $2,500 but nothing more. This was raised to $2,700, final offer. Then $3,200. “Fuck it,” she shouted, bidding $3,500. This continued at some length, until she gave up and let someone else take him for $5,300. “Are they fucking crazy?” whispered a girl next to us. Maybe, because next, that same brunette got up again and fought tooth and nail until she nailed down Nick for $5,600. “That’s how much I’m spending to go to Europe with my mother,” said someone behind us at the bar. When we caught up with the winning bidder, waiting for the event to end so she could get her private time, she seemed jittery. “I wanted Michael because he’s an attorney and I wanted to talk about job stuff, but then I didn’t get that, so I figured Nick … I mean, I only even bought this ticket because I was wasted in my apartment.”
“Let’s remember this is for childhood cancer!” Viall shouted, followed by fellow Bachelor contestant Jared Haibon yelling “Nick wants me to tell you that whoever wins this will get Fantasy Suite time with him!”
We THON tomorrow…
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About the Author
“Tim’s Law,” the Timothy J. Piazza Anti-Hazing Law, was approved by the Pennsylvania Senate Monday. The legislation is named after Tim Piazza, who died following a hazing ritual at the on-campus Beta Theta Pi fraternity house in February 2017. Now that it’s been passed by both Pennsylvania’s Senate and House of Representatives, the bill will move […]
“If not, he’s going to wind up back on the street.”
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