Overheard In A Frat Bathroom
Every girl knows that the girls’ bathroom in a frat is the ultimate hub of sisterhood. A quick trip to the lavatory with your best gal pals can improve any trip to Frat Row, especially if you listen in on the buzz. I stood in a frat bathroom for an hour to capture the quintessence of ladydom just for you.
My roommate: “I’m a DU groupie for life.”
Girl sweating her expensive make-up off: “You’d think since I spend this much money on Bobbi Brown, they’d at least turn on the AC.”
Confused girl looking in the mirror: “I’m drunk. No, I’m not. Yes, I am. YES I AM!”
Girl who was kind of pissed about her sexual past: “This scrawny, little douche tried to finger me with a cast his arm last year.”
Girl who probably posted a late-night Insta: “This edit is so dope.”
Girl who clearly doesn’t understand how correlation works: “You’re still a virgin in college?! What’s your body fat?”
Not Lauren: “The boy at the door called me ‘Lauren’ for no reason.”
Girl who knows her classic MTV programming: “I think I have a UTI. I’m going to piss myself in the club just like Snooki did.”
Girl who had to finish her meteorology homework before going out: “That’s not like real lightning, right? It’s like, lightning because of the heat.”
Girl with three empty water bottles in her hand: “Wait, what frat is this?”
Girl who might want to get checked for an STI: “After we stopped hooking up so I could come here to pee, all his friends started yelling that he had herpes, and he didn’t deny it. Should I, like, be worried?”
Girl who burned through a lot of $1s this week: “I don’t like eating pizza or wings after I go out anymore. I just want some grapes or carrots or something.”
Girl crying because her nail broke: “Ow, it really hurts, oh my God. Someone stepped on my hand when I was trying to get up on the table. I swear, I’m never dancing on an elevated surface again, oh my God.”
Girl who was so excited to go out she couldn’t even focus on getting dressed: “Oh my God, I FORGOT TO PUT ON UNDERWEAR!”
The only girl in the bathroom who was high: “Can you imagine if college culture was centered around weed instead of alcohol?”
Girl who was throwing up: “I swear, I’m never like this.”
Her friend, holding her hair back (again): “Yes, you are.”
Girl with beer breath who wasn’t going to wait around all night: “Excuse me, are you in line?”
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About the Author
In the words of Onward State assistant social media manager Anthony Fiset, “Mo Bamba is enough to incite a riot at Beaver Stadium,” and the same could be said about the BJC.
Homecoming 2019 is locked in for the first week of October.
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