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Overheard In A Frat Bathroom

Every girl knows that the girls’ bathroom in a frat is the ultimate hub of sisterhood. A quick trip to the lavatory with your best gal pals can improve any trip to Frat Row, especially if you listen in on the buzz. I stood in a frat bathroom for an hour to capture the quintessence of ladydom just for you.

My roommate: “I’m a DU groupie for life.”

Girl sweating her expensive make-up off: “You’d think since I spend this much money on Bobbi Brown, they’d at least turn on the AC.”

Confused girl looking in the mirror: “I’m drunk. No, I’m not. Yes, I am. YES I AM!”

Girl who was kind of pissed about her sexual past: “This scrawny, little douche tried to finger me with a cast his arm last year.”

Girl who probably posted a late-night Insta: “This edit is so dope.”

Girl who clearly doesn’t understand how correlation works: “You’re still a virgin in college?! What’s your body fat?”

Not Lauren: “The boy at the door called me ‘Lauren’ for no reason.”

Girl who knows her classic MTV programming: “I think I have a UTI. I’m going to piss myself in the club just like Snooki did.”

Girl who had to finish her meteorology homework before going out: “That’s not like real lightning, right? It’s like, lightning because of the heat.”

Girl with three empty water bottles in her hand: “Wait, what frat is this?”

Girl who might want to get checked for an STI: “After we stopped hooking up so I could come here to pee, all his friends started yelling that he had herpes, and he didn’t deny it. Should I, like, be worried?”

Girl who burned through a lot of $1s this week: “I don’t like eating pizza or wings after I go out anymore. I just want some grapes or carrots or something.”

Girl crying because her nail broke: “Ow, it really hurts, oh my God. Someone stepped on my hand when I was trying to get up on the table. I swear, I’m never dancing on an elevated surface again, oh my God.”

Girl who was so excited to go out she couldn’t even focus on getting dressed: “Oh my God, I FORGOT TO PUT ON UNDERWEAR!”

The only girl in the bathroom who was high: “Can you imagine if college culture was centered around weed instead of alcohol?”

Girl who was throwing up: “I swear, I’m never like this.”
Her friend, holding her hair back (again): “Yes, you are.”

Girl with beer breath who wasn’t going to wait around all night: “Excuse me, are you in line?”

About the Author

Gabriela Stevenson

Gabriela is a junior majoring in print and digital journalism and Onward State's student life editor. She is from Norristown, PA, which she normally refers to as "30 minutes outside of Philadelphia" (she looked up the exact driving time). She enjoys Broadway musicals, neck pillows, and eating cereal at night. To contact Gabriela, e-mail her at [email protected], or follow her on Twitter @GabiStevenson if you want to feel young again.

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