8 Things That Give Penn Staters More Trouble Than A ‘Rivalry’ With Pitt
Although Pitt coach Pat Narduzzi is treating this Saturday’s game like a National Championship, what was once heralded America’s greatest football rivalry hasn’t been much of a contest lately.
Pitt fans, listen up before you scroll down further: Every time I’ve seen anything about the Pitt-Penn State game this week, without fail I’ve seen a comment from a Pitt fan saying something sarcastic along the lines of “But I thought Penn State didn’t care about this game!” I don’t know who told you we don’t care, but we actually do. I know it’s a tough concept to grasp, but Penn State fans generally care about how the team does every week — and this week is no exception. We just don’t think it’s a rivalry.
The Panthers did win the last matchup in 2000, but Pitt hasn’t defeated Penn State more than twice in a row since 1946. With the overall record (50–42–4) tipping in Penn State’s favor, it’s safe to say all of these things boast bigger rivalries with Penn Staters than Pitt does:
LionPATH
This pathetic excuse for a website might even beat Pitt football if it came down to it.
The Shortlidge Hill
It takes more effort to walk up Shortlidge Road than to beat Pitt at literally anything.
Forum
Sitting through 50 minutes in a lecture hall, messing around on your laptop, barely moving a muscle? Still more stressful than the thought of Pitt football.
Tailgating
Tailgating will be the most challenging event for any Penn Stater in Pittsburgh on Saturday. Especially considering you can barely do it there.
The Den Line
Being drunk and just standing there for a bit (and probably being able to cut the line eventually) — harder for us than this game.
Pitt Fans Who Joke About Child Molestation On The Internet
Because every Sandusky joke in the world couldn’t make what happens on the field a rivalry. Couldn’t you find more productive things to do with your time than trivializing a victim’s pain? Maybe try attending a Pitt football game.
The Fourth Overtime In A Game Against Michigan
Obviously this was harder than everything else on the list, but ARob made it look easy. Imagine if he were up against Pitt this weekend?
Rutgers
…just kidding.
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