by Alexandra Stetson and friends

In a quest of selflessness and true service to others, one group of friends set out to determine which State College bar serves up the best mozzarella sticks in the business. Using a sophisticated rating scale taking into account presentation, texture, flavor, sauce, and even cheese pull, this group did the unthinkable and rated five different types of State College mozz sticks. And they did it for y’all.

Without further ado:

Stop #1: Cafe 210 West

Presentation: 6 | come in a carnival box
Texture: 9 | good breading-to-cheese ratio (thick breading)
Flavor: 8 | a little on the saltier side
Cheese pull: 5.5 | didn’t fall out of the breading when pulled, but wasn’t a great string
Sauce: 1 | awful, ruined everything, weird texture, but also watery

Final score: 5.9 | The sauce ruined it.

Stop #2: Champs Downtown

Presentation: 6 | see photo below Texture: 9 | real breading did it
Flavor: 7.5 | could be a little saltier
Cheese pull: 10 | so beautiful it was orgasmic, see photo belowSauce: 7| good consistency, marinara, could have been better, can’t dip

Final score: 7.9

Stop #3: Bill Pickle’s Tap Room

Presentation: 7 | regular basket (8 sticks)
Texture: 8 | lighter batter
Flavor: 7.5 | different flavor than Champs but still bland
Cheese pull: 6 | snapped too soon
Sauce: 10 | real marinara, dippable, warm!!!

Final score: 7.7

Stop #4: Primanti Bros.

Presentation: 8 | still in a basket
Texture: 9 | fantastic, no fall out, normal cheese
Flavor: 10 | god damn this was great
Cheese pull: 10 | see photo below
Sauce: 10 | makes us question the Pickles sauce…this is the best sauce, Pickles is second

Final score: 9.4

Stop #5: The Darkhorse Tavern

Presentation: 7 | normal sticks
Texture: 7 | hard
Flavor: 4 | sticks kinda burnt
Cheese pull: 2 | Be better, Darkhorse
Sauce: 10 | good choice

Final score: 6

So there you have it, folks. No matter which criterion you value most in your mozz stick experience, these girls have you covered with their comprehensive rating. Not all heroes wear capes.

Editor’s note: This is in no way a complete ranking of all mozzarella sticks available in State College. All ratings above were submitted to Onward State by the group and were not determined by our staffers. We’re college kids — we can’t afford to try every mozzarella stick in a five mile radius, folks. Though come to think of it, that does sound like a lovely experience.