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Everything Less Disrespectful Than KJ Hamler’s Touchdown Juke

KJ Hamler’s 58-yard touchdown early in the first quarter against Maryland Friday night extended the Nittany Lions’ early lead to 14-0 and set the tone for the 59-0 onslaught that transpired during the remainder of the game.

The electric touchdown was highlighted by Hamler juking a Maryland defender out of his shoes with a high-stepping hesitation cutback, sending the defender to the ground, Hamler to the end zone, and Maryland back to the ACC:

To be honest, folks, after a quick search of the internet, I can’t even find the name of the player Hamler sent back to Pop Warner (and Maryland’s font choice for their numbers did not translate well to TV,) so I think it’s best we leave this poor Maryland defender nameless, for his sake.

In an effort to protect the anonymity of this poor, poor man, I’m going to change the subject and list some things that I think are way more respectful than Hamler’s devastating footwork:

Maryland’s 2014 “No Handshake” Incident

Maryland wasted no time at drawing bad blood between them and their new Big Ten opponents when their captains (including current Minnesota Vikings star receiver Stefon Diggs) refused to shake Penn State’s hands before the coin toss, leading to a 15-yard “unsportsmanlike conduct” penalty.

Maryland ended up stealing a win in this game, besting the Nittany Lions 20-19 in Beaver Stadium. Penn State returned the favor the following year, beating Maryland 31-30 in Baltimore, the most-attended home game in program history

Since 2015, Maryland has not scored more than 14 points in a game against the Nittany Lions, while Penn State has never scored less than 38.

Penn State Ruining Maryland Students’ Day Off By Beating Maryland 59-0 In College Park

This game was months in the making. Maryland canceled afternoon classes for the day of the Penn State game ALL THE WAY BACK IN JULY. The athletic department then planned a stadium-wide black out (more on that next,) building the hype surrounding this game to unprecedented levels. Experts were predicting a slugfest, a nail-biter.

The result? Sure, it was Maryland Stadium’s sixth-largest crowd ever, but Penn State didn’t even allow Maryland to celebrate a single point on their big day. In the words of Stephanie Tanner:

rude full house GIF

Maryland Students Abandoning Their Student Section During A Black Out

Maryland’s answer to Penn State’s White Out was simple: a Black Out. It works for Ohio State, who blacked out The Shoe against Penn State in 2017, and did the same against Nebraska last year.

But the real black out all along, we learned, was the Maryland students who knew about the storm that was coming, and voluntarily chose not to support their squad when it needed them most.

Old Folks’ Reactions To The #LawnBoyz Chain

More than a few Boomers put a bummer on the new, awesome, and fun #LawnBoyz chain that Ricky Slade rocked on the sideline of the game this weekend. They called it everything from “too Miami” to “disrespectful” and were entirely out of pocket and grasping at straw.

Although I was not a student here while Joe Paterno was still head coach, I still followed the team, and I don’t remember anything about JoePa banning fun, smiling, or celebration on the sidelines. That’s Bill Belichick’s thing.

Kanye West Constantly Lying About Releasing His Album

After announcing a September 27 release date a few weeks ago, Kanye has lied multiple times about when we will be receiving his new album Jesus Is King. It was expected to release the night of the Maryland game, but sadly, I was unable to experience the unbridled joy of a Penn State blowout and a Kanye album dropping in the same night.

He’s rumored to be dropping it between the time I finish this article and the time this gets published Monday morning.

DROP. THE. ALBUM. KANYE. YOU. COWARD.

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About the Author

Matthew Ogden

Matthew Ogden is a senior double majoring in Marketing and Journalism. He resides in South Jersey and is the cohost of Onward State's podcast, Podward State. Email him your favorite Spotify playlists to [email protected] or follow him on Twitter @MattOgden98.

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