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What Would Penn State Smell Like If It Were A Candle?

Penn State has many things: a large student body, top-notch athletics, superb academics, and an extensive list of undeniable smells.

We were inspired by the release of the new McDonald’s Quarter Pounder Candle Set to curate a unique candle set of our own, full of our favorite Happy Valley scents.

Tailgating

Who doesn’t want to smell like a tailgate at all times? I sure do. This candle would have top notes of beer and buffalo chicken dip, with soft notes of cow manure — because if you don’t get a whiff of cow shit every once in a while, you’re tailgating in the wrong place. Be careful though, this candle might just trick you into thinking you’re actually booling with the homies outside Beaver Stadium.

When You Walk Past That Leafy Bush In Front Of UHS

Seriously, what the hell is that? I can’t even begin to identify what that smell is. All I know is that when you get a good whiff, it feels like when you get ocean water up your nose. As fellow staffer Ava Brendgord said, “That bush smells like chives.” So, this candle has a top note of uncertainty, with soft notes of chives.

Grilled Chicken Thigh Halal

Grilled chicken Thigh Halal is iconic. If you’re headed to the dining hall for dinner, you already know GCTH is on the menu. We know that when you go back home for the summer, you’re gonna be missing that familiar chicken smell. But fear not! Now, with this candle, you could light it up and indulge whenever you please.

When There’s An Org Giving Out Popcorn In The HUB

Ah, there’s nothing better than free HUB popcorn. Especially when you’re out of meal points and need lunch. This candle would smell like buttered popcorn — that’s it.

Beaver Stadium Chicken Basket

Yes, another chicken-oriented scent. Did you really think we were gonna create a hypothetical candle set without a chicken basket scent? That’s what I thought. This candle has a top note of perfectly crisp chicken tenders and a soft note of buttermilk ranch. Whenever you’re missing Saturdays in Beaver Stadium, just light this bad boy up and kiss your off-season blues goodbye.

We recommend burning all five candles at once in order to get the optimal Penn State experience. This candle set would be the perfect gift for alumni missing the good ol’ days, or incoming freshman who just can’t wait to get on campus. Once you light these puppies up, just sit back, close your eyes, and let the nostalgic scents take you back to sweet home State College.

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About the Author

Grace Cunningham

Grace is a senior advertising major and Onward State’s social media manager. She is also a co-host of our podcast, Podward State. Like a good New Jerseyan, Grace denounces Snooki and Pennsylvania bagels. However, she loves pranks, the Yankees, and Cake Boss highlight reels. You can follow her on Twitter @gecunningham7 or send videos of babies doing funny stuff to [email protected]

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