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Your Best ‘Ruin A Creamery Flavor’ Submissions

Onward State put a twist on a fun Internet trend earlier this week by asking its followers to ruin Berkey Creamery flavors by changing one letter in their names, and boy, you delivered.

Our hundreds of submissions took things to a new level by producing some truly gross, off-putting, and downright creative flavors no one would ever dream of trying. Honestly, we’re proud of how hard you guys went.

Without further ado, here are a few of our favorite submissions.

Dookies-n-Cream

Right off the bat, our commenters hit the nail on the head by swapping out the first letter of Cookies-n-Cream to make a poop-related pun that no one certainly wants anything to do with.

As far as ruining a flavor goes, this might take the cake. This variety would swap Cookies-n-Cream’s iconic vanilla bean ice cream and crunchy cookie (read: Oreo) bits for, well, a shittier substitute. See what I did there? Needless to say, we’d want nothing to do with a double-scoop of Dookies-n-Cream this summer.

However, I would enjoy this flavor if it instead took inspiration from Green Day’s seminal 1994 album, Dookie. I’m not sure what 90s punk rock would taste like, but sign me up.

Bittersweat Mint

Much like its predecessor, Bittersweat Mint takes a beloved flavor and utterly ruins it by swapping out just one letter. No longer would this variety feature bright-green peppermint ice cream and chunks of dark chocolate. Instead, it’d be much more reminiscent of the perspiration we all know and love hate.

To create this variety, I imagine Creamery workers would head over to the IM Building, Rec Hall, and even the White Building to collect some “authentic” samples to flavor each batch. Well, at least it’d still be bitter.

WOSU Coffee Break

Unlike our other featured submissions so far, this flavor wouldn’t be ruined by its flavor. Instead, theming it after everyone’s least-favorite Big Ten school would do more than enough to spoil the fun.

For this, I think the Creamery would swap out the flavor’s chocolate chips for walnuts — a popular ice cream topping that resembles Ohio State’s buckeyes. WOSU Coffee Break should keep the coffee-flavored ice cream but consider dyeing each batch red and white to truly strike fear into any Penn State fan’s heart.

Shite Out

Oi, govna! It’s chewsday, innit? Well, that’s what you might sound like while waiting in line for this British-inspired rendition of White Out, one of the Creamery’s latest creations. By swapping out a “w” for an “s,” our commenters put a clever spin on the variety to create yet another feces-related pun.

Much like Dookies-n-Cream, I imagine this would be a pretty shitty flavor. Shite Out would likely swap out popcorn-flavored ice cream and white chocolate chips for an extremely British variety that would surely ruin a White Out tailgate in a heartbeat.

THONg Golden Ribbon Ripple

One of our commenters took this challenge in a different direction by adding a letter to THON Golden Ribbon Ripple to create a raunchier, non-FTK flavor.

Undergarment-flavored ice cream would definitely be uncharted territory for the Creamery, so it’s tough to say what THONg Golden Ribbon Ripple would exactly taste like. If I had to guess, it’d trade in chocolate ice cream, caramel, and white chocolate chips for a nylon-flavored concoction.

In the words of Sisqó, let us (read: customers) see that THONg-th-THONg-THONg-THONg Golden Ribbon Ripple flavor.

Grilled Stinkies

Much like Cookies-n-Cream and Bittersweet Mint, Grilled Stickies presented a fastball down the middle for our commenters’ puns. Most commonly, they opted to go with Grilled Stinkies, a seemingly smellier and less-appetizing variety of everyone’s favorite State College treat.

Creating this flavor would be a breeze for the Creamery. All they’d need to do is purchase Grilled Stickies in bulk downtown, keep them in storage for a while until they spoil, and then use them in each batch. Easy money.

Bittersweet Lint

In the same vein as Bittersweat Mint, this variety would serve as a dismal spin on everyone’s favorite mint chocolate chip flavor by incorporating a less-than-ideal ingredient: lint. Bittersweet Lint would surely put a damper on the fun by combining mint ice cream with a dusty, lint-filled swirl that leaves you wanting more less.

If we’re looking at this from a practical standpoint, the Creamery could easily make this variety en masse by taking advantage of on-campus resources. By cleaning out dryer screens in dorm laundry rooms, Penn State’s ice cream makers could easily score enough lint to make as many batches as they please.

Rust “Digs” Roseberry

Last but not least is Rust “Digs” Roseberry, a creative play on Russ “Digs” Roseberry, a flavor created in 2014 to honor Penn State women’s volleyball coach Russ Rose. This variety would likely swap out raspberry sauce and dark chocolate for rust shavings and perhaps even an iron oxide swirl to tie the whole thing together.

To create an even bigger homage to Rose’s legendary career, Creamery workers could collect rust from Rec Hall’s ancient bleachers to develop a flavor that’s true to his legacy. I’m not sure about you, but I’d definitely prefer a strawberry blend with dark chocolate than a rusty rendition of this flavor.

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About the Author

Matt DiSanto

Matt is a junior majoring in journalism and is Onward State's managing editor. He's a huge Philadelphia sports fan, fantasy football aficionado, and washed-up drummer hailing from Collegeville, Pa. The quickest way to his heart is Margherita pizza. His favorite shows include Community, Seinfeld, and Arrested Development, and he'll probably talk your ear off about them. Follow him on Twitter @mattdisanto_ for bad sports takes or email him at [email protected]

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