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Overheard On Penn State GroupMe

Ever since the pandemic hit, every class, apartment building, and organization has created a massive GroupMe. Given that these group chats are completely unregulated, Penn State students gladly speak their minds about anything and everything.

Students have no problem using GroupMes to beg the smart kids to send them homework answers, talk shit on even the most wholesome professors, or overshare about their relationship issues.

Our staffers compiled a few of their favorite out-of-context statements overheard in various Penn State GroupMe chats. Keep on reading to learn about the messages that aren’t quite PG enough for the everyday Zoom chat.

Student who is being belittled by his professor in front of the whole class on Zoom: “I feel like a kid when my mom would yell at me for not understanding basic math.”

Student who is using the math GroupMe for it’s intended purpose: “Did anybody watch the video for 14.6?”
Student who is having a midlife crisis: “Nope, but I signed up for the Army. That is not a joke.”

Student who noticed some new decor outside of the apartment complex: “Who threw a vacuum into the bushes?”

No context student, but with Kasey Musgraves vibes: “A lot of people will die ?.”

Student who is contemplating dropping out: “I don’t want the PS5 or $1,000,000 for X-mas. All I want is to pass this fucking class.”

Student in McKean who was flashed by a hallmate: “To the person who just walked through the lobby naked, not cool.”

Chem major who isn’t used to having a ~creative~ professor: “I was a little sus when I saw that our Canvas page looked like a kindergarten classroom.”

Industrial engineering student: “I’m just waiting for the day that someone comes off mute and goes, ‘Hey, quick question. What the fuck is going on?'”

Student who checked Canvas for the first time in a while: “Anyone else have a 220% in the class rn?” Sad student who got their hopes up: “I have a 46%.”

Student just going through the motions: “Every day, I wake up and write my silly notes on my silly spiral notebook and pretend I know what it says.”

Communications major fulfilling their singular math credit: “I’m just mindlessly watching this man write numbers and letters with pluses and minuses.”

Responsible-yet-addicted student who may or may not have COVID-19: “Would anyone be able to get me pods and leave it outside my door :) I’m in quarantine rn and can’t go to get them and I’m willing to pay extra!”

No context student who is tired of getting played: “I’m canceling my subscription to men. Thank you, Laura.”

Drunk student whose life GPA is flashing in front of their eyes: “WGEN IS OUR PAPER DUE. IM SO FUCKED UP.”

???? No context student ????: “Cum. Haha. I’m pooping rn. Haha.”

Student who didn’t use Penn State wellness day productively: “What does he mean it’s not cool to binge drink?”

*Poll submission*: “Do you have any clue what is going on?”
*Poll options*: “No,” or “No, but with more votes.”

Student who still has a social life during a pandemic: “Y’all doing Math 230 on a Friday night?”

Student who hasn’t started their final report: “The paper is due tonight??? oh my god.”

Student who is trying to study, but it’s just not working: “I just accidentally slammed my head against my wall while studying so I hope all the information didn’t fall out of my brain lol.”

Student who is hyping up the one kid who unmutes and tells the professor that everyone is confused: “Braden once again is a bad bleep for being so generous for saying what we are all thinking.”

As Thomas Jefferson once said…: “Due tomorrow. Do tomorrow.”

Generous Southern student who is experiencing a nor’easter for the first time: “Would anyone want to go clean my car off in the alley for $10 and vodka? I have a shovel and ice scraper.”

Tenant who is ready to take down State College landlords once and for all: “Let’s just all stop paying rent until they fix everything.”

Student who is giving their apartment a deep clean: “Weird question but does anybody have any bleach lol.”
Student who took her question to a new level: “I’ve got some orange juice if you really need a chaser.”

Student who is enforcing State College’s COVID-19 ordinance better than the local police: “Everybody who hasn’t been wearing masks in the elevator and lobby is pretty ugly sorry but the mask would honestly help you out!!!”

Student who never grew out of the baking stage of quarantine: “If anybody wants a brownie, we made so many and don’t want them all. Unfortunately they do not contain weed but I promise they’re good.”

Female who is sick and tired of State College boys: “Whichever one of you fuckers just asked to eat my ass in the lobby is officially invalid.”

Student who just wants some reassurance: “Does this make anyone else feel a lil dumb, or am I just stupid?”

Pennsylvania resident who uses the word jawn to be quirky: “This is why I believe that global warming is doing us a favor in wiping out Jersey.”

Student who chose to think on the bright side: “Okay but if we all get a 10%, surely he’ll have to curve our grade.”

Student who spends too much time on the Snapchat Buzzfeed stories: “Kim and Kanye were just never a good match lmao. Idek how they lasted that long.”

ASTRO 7N student who lets Copper the Robot live rent-free in their mind: “Timmy, go suck Copper’s dick.”

Student who gets young Republican vibes from their professor: “I bet his Tinder is full of pictures of him holding fish.”

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About the Author

Colleen Nersten

Colleen is a washed-up biology grad and former associate editor. Her legacy will live on through stories like “10 Questions With State College Sensation ‘Hot UPS Bae’”. If you’re a STEM girlie, this is your sign to take the leap of faith and learn to write. It’s pretty fun. Colleen misses the hate mail and can be reached at [email protected] or via LinkedIn.

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