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Applying To Be Penn State Hoops’ Next Head Coach

Penn State men’s basketball has a job opening, folks.

Penn State Athletics put up an application last Friday titled “Head Coach Men’s Basketball.” Jim Ferry is the current interim coach, but it appears Athletics is looking toward the future.

Now, I know it sounds crazy, but I think I am the right person for the job.

While these days I’m just a washed-up, snarky blogger, I grew up surrounded by the game of basketball. From 2008 to 2015, I established myself as a multi-time all-star on the court in my local recreation league, while also stepping up as a team leader.

Additionally, my experience as a New York Knicks fan has prepared me for the job. I’ve learned how to lose (A LOT), and that really builds character. I’ve become an absolute pro at predicting the outcome of games, as well as predicting little things that happen during a game.

I go into my experience a little bit more in my resume:

As far as intelligence is concerned, my 3.90 GPA (not flexing) is indicative of the work I put in, and the determination I possess. My communication skills are like no other, and I’m the ultimate team player. As Penn State’s head coach, I’d do everything in my power to make sure we win that night. Tomorrow won’t matter, the day before won’t matter. All that will matter is the game that’s currently going on.

You’re looking for a leader? Look no further, I’m that guy. Whether it be off the court in my high school’s National Honor Society, or on the court in crunch time, I’m always checking on the people around me to make sure they’re in the right mental state.

Again, I touched on my education, as well as my communication and leadership skills, in my resume.

I think this job would be a great fit, as I outlined in my cover letter.

Like I mentioned earlier, I displayed tremendous grit during my playing career. I hustled 110% of the time, which would translate to my coaching career.

Even during the rare times when I wasn’t ballin’, I still gave it my all, and that is shown in the video below (I’m No. 50).

From what you’ve seen above, you’re probably wondering one thing: “Why haven’t I gotten into coaching sooner?” I know, I know. It’s long overdue.

However, it’s never too late, and that is why I’ve officially applied to be Penn State men’s basketball’s next head coach. I attached some of the highlights from my application below.

Sandy, if you’re reading this, I’m anxiously awaiting your call for a follow-up interview.

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About the Author

Gabe Angieri

Gabe is a junior majoring in journalism and is an associate editor for Onward State. He grew up in Lindenhurst, New York, and has had the absolute misfortune of rooting for the Jets, Mets, and Knicks. If you want to see his bad sports takes, follow him on Twitter @gabeangieri and direct all hate mail and death threats to [email protected]

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