With the new round of coronavirus relief stimulus checks set to go out this week, several Penn Staters may be wondering what to do with their newfound cash.

Worry not! We here at Onward State have taken the liberty of showing you just how far you can stretch your $1,400 stimmy with a comprehensive list of “smart” purchases and deals on campus and in State College that you may not have considered.

With your check, you could buy…

233 Pints Of Creamery Ice Cream

With summer on the way, the time is now to stock up on your favorite flavors. However, if you do choose to take this route, consider buying just $400 worth of ice cream (66 pints) and use the remaining grand to invest in a freezer to store them in.

40 Men’s Basketball Student Season Tickets

What better way to show your support for new head coach Micah Shrewsberry than to have your own private cheering section during games? This allows you to spread out, choose a new seat every home game, and definitely stand out among the rest of the Bryce Jordan Center crowd.

Also, with giveaways such as t-shirts and chicken baskets, those passes will pay for themselves throughout the season. You’ll need to find a way around the “one ticket package per student” thing, but you have plenty of time to figure that out before next season rolls around.

87 Extra-Large Pepperoni Pizzas From Canyon

While this purchase may be better spaced out than all at once, it is important to set aside enough money for your drunk food budget. Only 73 pizzas can be purchased if you would like ranch included.

140 Chicken Baskets

A true staple in the student diet. Be the hero of the first football game with fans allowed in Beaver Stadium by getting chicken baskets for 140 of your closest friends. Be sure to buy one for the person behind you in line as you order too.

3.18 Weeks In An Apartment At The HERE

Sick of your roommate? Then go live in a standard apartment at The HERE for three weeks. While it may not be the most cost-effective getaway, you’ll have 516 square feet to do whatever you want. That’s roughly $2.71 per square foot!

2.8% Of The JoePa Statue

Thanks to some estimations done by our staff mathematicians, a new version of the iconic statue would cost approximately $50,000. Why not invest your stimulus in a piece of Penn State history. By my personal calculations, the 2.8% would equal JoePa’s right pointer finger.

~31 Minutes Of James Franklin’s Salary

The Nittany Lions head coach is set to receive $5.5 million in guaranteed money in 2021. This comes out to approximately $2,644.23 an hour and around $44.07 a minute. If you choose this option, you can afford 31.76 minutes with Franklin. Have some chores that need to be done? Wanna play catch? How about just hearing him repeat an opponent’s name for the allotted time? The possibilities are endless when you have Franklin on the clock.